Back at it again
It seems as though I love to procrastinate. This is evidenced by the fact that I’m supposed to study for my optimization midterms; the final exam of my undergraduate life, and hopefully not my last exam for life.
I say that because I hope to further my education one day, but not immediately. Ain’t nobody got that kind of time and money. Money especially. Can’t subject my parents to another 2 years of working to the bone to support their leeching child.
I say that, yet I’m so worried about everything. I’m worried I can’t find a job. I’m worried I’ll find a job and regret it. I’m worried that people don’t think me as impressive. I’m worried I’ll die and all I can claim to contribute to this society is nothing. I never intend to have kids, so the only thing I can do to leave a legacy is through my work. I’m worried I’m not doing enough. I beat myself up for any day that I don’t achieve everything on my to-do list. Sometimes I think I just shouldn’t do to-do lists because they stress me out so much, yet I stress out if I don’t have a to-do list, cause I’m worried I forget something/ am not doing enough.
What I need to do today:
- Go through all lecture slides
- Go to lecture
- Go to ISS to pick up my I-20 and make a copy there hopefully
- Write a cheat sheet to bring to the exam
- Go through all past exams and homework
- Try not to be so stressed you get a panic attack
- Remember that everything is fine and that today is just another day, and all will not fail if you fuck up today.
Ayyyy life with anxiety isn’t it fun. It’s the price you pay for the ability to imagine the future.