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Showing posts from December, 2024

 It's surprising how suddenly, one day, everything is okay. 

I'm writing down some things that friends have told me that warms my heart. 

Somebody said I have a sort of je ne sais quoi, that quality that attracts people without trying. That people want to talk to me and love to talk to me and while I'm not unattractive, it's not physical attractiveness. 

Somebody told me that people just like me, that I bring people together. That if I were going to a party, it would make other people go. People would go to parties and gatherings just cause I am there. 

Another person backed that up at a different time, that if I were going to a party, they would definitely want to go if I were there. 

Somebody told me that it was so easy to talk to me and that that really doesn't happen often in their lives. And that they especially enjoyed all their one-on-one time with me. 

Somebody told me, that they would meet multiple people every week and that it would take them months to meet somebody like me. 

Maybe a little racial, but somebody said I am the first Asian girl they would want to date. Okay, I don't know how I feel about that but at the moment it felt good. 

I think I have been too hard on myself. Everything is okay. 

I am the work of art

 I never used to think that posting on social media and romanticizing my life would be it. I always thought that that was attention seeking and painful to watch for other people.

But now the older I get, the more I think I should romanticize my life. I like art. I look at people's pottery, people's artwork and I marvel at the work that they are. 

But now I think that I should be the work of art. Everything that I touch should be beautiful. I think that caring is the secret to happiness. I used to be so angsty, thinking that not caring is the key to happiness, that I won't get rejected. That if I can't get rejected, that I would feel good in myself. 

The thing is I already know this. 

I also need to be good at being rejected. And knowing when to cut my losses when I am being rejected instead of pushing on for things. 

Anyway. Can't wait for New York! To start putting in effort into myself a bit more. To workout, look pretty, dress nice, curate a life for myself.