Blame

Maybe I put the blame on everybody except myself.

Perhaps what went wrong was me.

Kinda depressed sometimes. Been blaming the whole world. Maybe the fact that I don't have many close friends is my fault. Maybe my incapability to open up to others is my own doing.

Yet, I don't think I can do much about it.

I need help.

Maybe I'm just not as strong as I think I am. The years of mental abuse may just possibly leave scars on me rather than bouncing off harmlessly as I have believed.

I need to smoke.

This is killing me.

Confirmed

Hello guys :)

Kinda happy these days cause I'm living on my own personal Cloud 9. I kinda can say "screw you" to all my homework and assignments, raise my middle finger proud and straight to my coursework marks and basically ignore all there is to do for school work. Heck, I can even be rude to anybody I fancy and be a total bitch and piss everybody off.

"Why?" you may ask in a polite way but in fact you don't really care

Well, I got into the UNIVERSITY of MY CHOICE. Which came as a shocker to me cause I ain't the best among my peers that also applied there. Like I'm the runt of the CGPA puppy litter, the one with the mediocre CGPA and also the one that handed all her application materials way overdue of the deadline.

So well, gonna update here a lot in the near future I think. Since I will be all alone in some foreign and cold country with awesome sights and photography opportunities what with the snow and Christmas and autumn. Plus I should write down my story somewhere. My parents paid a lot to send me overseas, I should document all them experiences.

I think I may be a winter kind of person. I can't say for sure, not having ever experienced winter, but words like fleece, leaves, snow, Christmas, cinnamon, and gravy are all kind of my favorite words. Hm but going to the States makes me a HAPPY HUMAN.

Toodles with all my love

Facts about me

Heys,

Disclaimer: I know this has been WAY overdone and the trend for it is WAY over. But I have been tagged on Instagram and I didn't think Instagram had the space for my rantings. I didn't want to do this but heck why not, I get to know myself better and make space for me to improve myself.

Alright. Usually people start off with a picture, but I'm camera shy.

1. I am camera shy.
Well, it isn't because I am a hideous snake headed person with bulbous eyes that burns up cameras. In fact, I am pretty cute. However I am just NOT photogenic. Pictures of me all look like I'm in pain or that the sun is too bright or that the cameraman killed my parents. PLUS, pictures eventually end up on social media or somebody else's hands, and for whatever reason, I am just not comfortable with strangers looking at my photos, it's like meeting someone without knowing you met them. Which is just creepy.

2. Speaking of which, my parents aren't the closest people on earth with me. 
This is bad, but my parents weren't around much when I was growing up. Thus I have never confided in them at all. Actually this leads to 3. Added up with the fact that they are true blue Asian Chinese parents that lives up to the stereotype and are crazy strict with us, so yeah, it's pretty impossible for me to even be myself around them.

3. I am a pretty closed and shy person.
However, once you really get to know me, which may take months, I will be a ball of sunshine and lameness. Judge me however you want.

4. I enjoy being home alone.
Okay this is a weird fact. I love my house, but without my parents or brother at home. Why? Because when I am home alone, I can literally walk naked wherever I want (not that I do, not all the time anyways) , roll and blaze whenever and wherever, hog the armchair ( which is the best and most comfy place on earth ) where I watch Sherlock or South Park or whatever that I'm watching at the time, or read books for 9 hours straight without people yelling at me to rest my eyes or eat, cuddle with my dog without distractions that causes it to jump about. So yeah, I really enjoy my time at home.

5.  I have crazy sensitive skin and eczema.
Which sucks. I can never have a facial.

6. I don't really enjoy studying.
Math and Science. Not really my forte, even though I am studying engineering. Its just a means for me to be taken seriously and be able to rule the world in the future. MUAHAHA. But seriously I would prefer reading and writing. Actually, I think its because my math and physics lecturers really suck cause I used to love math and physics, they give me such a rush, especially when you manage to solve some crazy difficult question, you literally feel like a god.

7. I hate cooking.
Its like the norm for girls to be able to cook. And yea I see plenty of Instagram photos depicting Fancy Feasts cooked by my friends. But I don't know what happened, maybe I lack a genome or something, I really don't like to cook. Again, not that I am bad at it, my relatives absolutely crave the cheesecakes that I make. But, somehow I think its too much work for too little reward. 3 hours of laboring at the kitchen preparing and cooking just for half an hour of satisfaction. NOT WORTH IT.

I can't think of anything else. Plus, I just microwaved my lunch. So. Guess I'm gonna watch Sherlock instead. Oh yeah.

8. I get sidetracked REALLY EASILY.
Which is really bad. I think I may have ADD.

Toodles

Fairness

My post titles are all so one-worded and deep my entire blog looks like a season of Wilfred

Which in any case you guys do not know, its a TV series featuring Elijah Wood, which although he doesn't look THAT good as a hobbit, he has the most PRISTINE eyes on earth. Could swim in those things man.

 

ANYWAYS, I am studying for a certain public speaking test tomorrow and not surprisingly got distracted and went and blog-hopped.

And, well, I really think some people do not deserve what they have.

Isn't it unfair that people who are rich and pretty have everything they have on earth except a decent personality and ethics?

Rich and pretty people seem to just cruise through life without needing a single brain cell, just really good photo editing skills to fool the mass crowd.

And although it may sound like extreme sour grapes here, trust me in the fact that I do not want any part of fame see. And anything I say from now on is gonna sound like I'm defending myself, but hey, I study engineering people, I voluntarily slave myself over maths and physics equations everyday and I read thick volumes of thesis and mystery science fiction that no sane rich nor pretty people would go near. AND I FUCKING ENJOY IT.

Why am I justifying myself.

So, what I am saying here is, there are many more talented, intelligent, and creative human beings in this world that lack the facilities to make it big. And that's a pity. 

Study time. Toods :)

Paper Towns

Well it has been a while since I read a book. So I'm currently reading Paper Towns by John Green, which I know is such a mainstream book but since it is already mainstreamed and I haven't even read it yet makes me feel like I'm too uncool.

It's like totally incredible one can have like 2 different personalities and hide one so well. I want to be like that, so mysterious and all. It's like a secret you hide from the rest of the world. So cool.

But well, I haven't finish the book yet so there may be a major plot twist that Margo's bipolar or something. Quentin sounds cool tho. Would rather live a nerd like him that be some cool cheerleader or popular kid.

Anyways University Applications are a pain in the neck. SO MANY DOCUMENTS.

Short post today. I've got a book to finish and essays to write.

Third person

She is sad. Writing in a third person makes her feel less vulnerable to the world, and that she copied how to write from a third person's point of view makes her feel shitty. Like, won't I have any original thoughts? Or do I always have to take other people's ideas and plagiarize. It makes her feel dumb and unintelligent.

Alright. Had the best dinner. It was mostly the good food and the nice environment. But somehow, in her heart, she knows that this is probably one of the last rare times that she will sit with her dad alone, eating a nice dinner just both of them.

Her dad isn't a nice person. She knew it. She knows she has to get away from him, or over time she will become her dad's mirror image, forever imprinted with the meanness that is inherited from generation to generation. Her aunts were all mean, her grandparents were probably mean if she had the chance to know them.

Yet, he is her dad. He is the one that pays for bills and work hard to put food on the table. He is the one that sacrifices his time to make his family's life better. He had a hard and bitter life. He had every excuse to be mean. He knows he is mean, but yet he doesn't make moves to change his personality. He gets angry everyday at tiny issues, he is selfish, he is egoistic and demanding as well as impatient as a child on Christmas Eve.

It is difficult to be in this position. She feels bad, yet she knows she has to leave. She loves her dad. And now she is crying her eyes out as she acknowledges that fact.

They talked about the food. How good it was. They talked about old times. However, she is careful of what she says. It is easy to make him angry. He was like an active volcano, ready to erupt in anger any moment. It makes her sad.

The food was good though. The bill was very expensive. The waiter bid them a good journey and they left. Goodbye. I am leaving my childhood behind now.

Now I think I know 
What you tried to say to me 
How you suffered for your sanity 
How you tried to set them free 
They did not listen they're not listening still 
Perhaps they never will 

Fall semester

Well the new semester has started and you can't blame me for not writing here often since I really have classes to attend, buttload of universities to choose to spend my next few years in, and multiple menial and pointless problems to worry about. Life is busy.

Plus, I don't have much of a life anyways. Most of the time after college, I'll just go home and blaze up and spend the rest of the day watching movies and cat videos, or even people sitting on toilets, laughing till my stomach hurts. And if I already have dirty hair, I'll throw in a workout after that. So, my life is obviously pretty boring.

Well, toodles for now. I have stalkers to avoid and differential equations to worry about.