It seems as though I love to procrastinate. This is evidenced by the fact that I’m supposed to study for my optimization midterms; the final exam of my undergraduate life, and hopefully not my last exam for life. I say that because I hope to further my education one day, but not immediately. Ain’t nobody got that kind of time and money. Money especially. Can’t subject my parents to another 2 years of working to the bone to support their leeching child. I say that, yet I’m so worried about everything. I’m worried I can’t find a job. I’m worried I’ll find a job and regret it. I’m worried that people don’t think me as impressive. I’m worried I’ll die and all I can claim to contribute to this society is nothing. I never intend to have kids, so the only thing I can do to leave a legacy is through my work. I’m worried I’m not doing enough. I beat myself up for any day that I don’t achieve everything on my to-do list. Sometimes I think I just shouldn’t do to-do lists because they str...
What do I want out of the relationship, what I do want out you, what I want out of me, what I think you want out of me. Frankly, just a friend that I would fuck. I want somebody that talks to me about problems and shares his life with me Do you still want to work on this? I get the vibe that you don't want to anymore but you are also receptive to talking to me and I know you love me but based on the last month or so, I feel as though nothing will change on your end, it feels as though you don't want to work on this anymore and if that's the case, I think we can call it quits. I also feel as though it's hard to bring this up because I feel as though he's sensitive about it. I need you to be able to listen to me. To not get that frustrated and annoyed. I know you are running out of steam and let's work on helping you with that, but I need that from you. To listen to me and reassure me and not lose your patience. I need you to be less annoyed at stuff....
I don't know if I miss you or if I miss being in a relationship. I don't know if I can ever be with you anymore. Just had a dream about you weirdly at my high school, teaching something apparently. Seems like it's because I was thinking of you and I had the conversation with my brother about people going back to high school and how much of a loser I think those people are. I think I miss being in a relationship, cause there isn't specific aspects about you that I miss per se. It's more of hey I miss sticking my feet under your butt when we watch TV on the couch. Going to bed when you're already sleeping. Sex I guess. It's the routine I kinda miss. Then again, I never had the routines with anybody else, those are solely ours. I guess I'll talk to you again in a couple months, see where we are then. Don't think you'll have changed at all. I don't think it'll work nevertheless. I think I kinda hate you for suggesting we meet again in...
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