USA

Hello its me,

It has been 3 months since I have been here in the States and life is hectic.

Exams and quizzes every other week and the never decreasing pile of homework and homesickness and culture shock and the fact that I have to do every tiny thing on my own.

Which sucks. Being a grown up suck.

Had a fight with my parents yesterday about scholarships. God I hate applying for all this crap its just so damn much work. Gathering references is the worse thing to do. Having to ask your past professors that you assume you'll never have to talk to again to testify for you. That just sucks. And the fake politeness and the greetings and the worry that they won't give you a good recommendation.

However scholarships are just free money. Which is cool.

I'm so tired all the time. I'm sorry. Haven't been thinking much except for chemistry and dynamics and yea my smart-mouth and wit has just gone too mush. Especially my poor brain.

I'm evolving into a nerd.

Changi

Well. Im in transit in Singapore from Malaysia to the States. And well its 4.50am in the morning and I have not slept at all. So to sum up, I have been awake for 20 hours so far. It sucks. It sucks so bad. Jetlag is a horrible horrible thing. Timezones are the work of the devil. Why can't earth just be square.

Well I am typing this on my phone and im very very grumpy from the lack of sleep. And airport shops are all closed since well shopkeepers have to sleep but I guess not poor students going to study overseas. And all the humans I have ever known are all asleep by now. Thank god I have my parents with me since I am bored as fuck at least I have some humans to talk to I cant be picky.

Been sitting on this piece of ass for 7 hours now and I still have 20 more to go. This ass is already as flat as flat butts can go but after this its literally gonna become nonexistent. Urgh I hate this.

Night Thoughts

Hey

Its like 12am right now in Kota Kinabalu where I currently am residing at my aunt's house.

Been spending my last few weeks in Malaysia in a daze. Endless shopping and preparing and spending as much time as possible with the BF before I leave.

Well. Am gonna write here to clear my conscience a tad bit as I feel kinda guilty and shitty about myself these few days.

Yeap. I have indeed bitched quite a bit about my parents to my relatives right here. Which made me feel pretty darn guilty as bitching to relatives are way more harmful than bitching to friends.

How so?

This is because relatives kinda know your parents since forever and have this great impression about them and bitching about your parents to them is way more hurtful as it totally ruins the good impression of your relatives towards your parents. With friends however, it doesn't really matter as they will always stand by you against your parents as well as the fact that they barely hang out with your parents.

And of course there is the greater risk of them repeating what you just said right back at your parents and your parents would come and whoop your ass.

Just because of that last fact, I have just spent nearly 3 hours sitting in the living room in front of a TV program that I have zero interest in, entertaining a hyperactive 3 year old, just to eavesdrop on what my aunts are talking about to my mom. Just to make sure it doesn't get back to her.

I'm such a retard sometimes. Caffeine makes me lose the ability to control my mouth. Just a few cups of tea this afternoon and I spill all kinds of gossip and secrets to my aunts due to being overexcited.

Alright about my trip here.

I did not bring my camera and my phone pics are totally shitty. I love photography but just sometimes I'm too darn lazy to take photographs. Hey, editing and uploading and just the act of taking photograph is way tiring. Usually, to take a photograph, it requires the patience of the entire group of people you are with, to pause in walking to wait for you to take photographs, or to pose for a photograph, or to take a photograph of you. The worse would be food photography, where a whole group of hungry humans have to wait an extra few minutes to eat their long awaited food and you stop them all just to take a photo, choose an appropriate filter, and retake until the angle is satisfactory or what not. Its like being a Marty in a jungle of Alexes. Madagascar reference. Sorry. Have been hanging out tons with little kids these few days.

Right. My trip.

So we did not do any sight-seeing whatsoever. Most of the trip is spent on eating and defecating and long ass car rides. Aunts here brought us to eat every single food item in KK, or at least, what I felt I have eaten these few days is the food of all of KK. My food pics would be totally awesome, if I were brave enough to take some. The seafood here is amazeballs humans. Dem prawns are the size of my palm and are so frigging fresh they may just come back to life at any moment. (My metaphors are crap sorry). And we have been eating all kinds of variation of seafood. Full course of steamed seafood, seafood noodles, seafood Wat Tan Ho etc etc. OOH and pork noodles. Man those were good. The pork noodles here comes with no egg, and the best part is the pork meat, which they cook with starch or something that makes it all soft and succulent.

So all in all, even though I missed like 3 days of computer time and time with friends as well as a new years countdown party, I guess I made up for it by gaining another 3kgs. Which is cool. I need that fat to survive the winter.

Happy New Years peeps.

Won't be celebrating its arrival as will be on a taxi ride home during that time. Maybe there will be fireworks at the side of the road. But well I will not be sore, am still gonna wish everybody else a happy new year. Which I don't think anybody would notice anyway as all are getting pissed drunk.

Blegh

Toodles

Quick Resolution Jotdown

So heya bloggie quick one.

Heard some awfully good advice yesterday and it went something like:

Find three hobbies in your life, one to make you money, one to keep you in shape and one to be creative. 

So yea I kinda thought it was true and from now on I'm gonna pursue these three hobbies when I am less busy and have more time and that's why I'm writing this down in case I forget about this.

My memory sucks I know.

So a hobby to make me money. Future me, pursue PHOTOGRAPHY. You remember how much you love pretty pictures and actually find it surprising about how much you can earn with a good picture? With all kinds of social media now, you can do that shit and earn off it. PLUS its fun. If you need more motivation go on ahead to Instagram and look at all them rich kids at the recommended section.

A hobby to keep me in shape. Dance! Future you. Or Ultimate Frisbee, or Cheer? Anything. You need to exercise anyway you big hunk of fat. Remember how much you love to dance? Them hours of ballet lessons when you were younger? True they made you so damn tired and you had to come home late and you were always hungry. But hey you never hated it you smelly mofo. WASH YOUR SOCKS THIS TIME.

Lastly, one to be creative. Either go for writing, like what I am doing now, or drawing or OMG compose something to don't put those 10 years in piano class to waste. Hm. You are pretty talented in all and all are a kind of mental release from work. Like when you write, or draw, or play piano, you remember it was a total stress reliever as you didn't need to brain at all.

OKAY CIAOS CIAOS

Hope you are doing well.

Eating cheese biscuits and supposed to be studying for World Religion Yi Xian.

Blame

Maybe I put the blame on everybody except myself.

Perhaps what went wrong was me.

Kinda depressed sometimes. Been blaming the whole world. Maybe the fact that I don't have many close friends is my fault. Maybe my incapability to open up to others is my own doing.

Yet, I don't think I can do much about it.

I need help.

Maybe I'm just not as strong as I think I am. The years of mental abuse may just possibly leave scars on me rather than bouncing off harmlessly as I have believed.

I need to smoke.

This is killing me.

Confirmed

Hello guys :)

Kinda happy these days cause I'm living on my own personal Cloud 9. I kinda can say "screw you" to all my homework and assignments, raise my middle finger proud and straight to my coursework marks and basically ignore all there is to do for school work. Heck, I can even be rude to anybody I fancy and be a total bitch and piss everybody off.

"Why?" you may ask in a polite way but in fact you don't really care

Well, I got into the UNIVERSITY of MY CHOICE. Which came as a shocker to me cause I ain't the best among my peers that also applied there. Like I'm the runt of the CGPA puppy litter, the one with the mediocre CGPA and also the one that handed all her application materials way overdue of the deadline.

So well, gonna update here a lot in the near future I think. Since I will be all alone in some foreign and cold country with awesome sights and photography opportunities what with the snow and Christmas and autumn. Plus I should write down my story somewhere. My parents paid a lot to send me overseas, I should document all them experiences.

I think I may be a winter kind of person. I can't say for sure, not having ever experienced winter, but words like fleece, leaves, snow, Christmas, cinnamon, and gravy are all kind of my favorite words. Hm but going to the States makes me a HAPPY HUMAN.

Toodles with all my love

Facts about me

Heys,

Disclaimer: I know this has been WAY overdone and the trend for it is WAY over. But I have been tagged on Instagram and I didn't think Instagram had the space for my rantings. I didn't want to do this but heck why not, I get to know myself better and make space for me to improve myself.

Alright. Usually people start off with a picture, but I'm camera shy.

1. I am camera shy.
Well, it isn't because I am a hideous snake headed person with bulbous eyes that burns up cameras. In fact, I am pretty cute. However I am just NOT photogenic. Pictures of me all look like I'm in pain or that the sun is too bright or that the cameraman killed my parents. PLUS, pictures eventually end up on social media or somebody else's hands, and for whatever reason, I am just not comfortable with strangers looking at my photos, it's like meeting someone without knowing you met them. Which is just creepy.

2. Speaking of which, my parents aren't the closest people on earth with me. 
This is bad, but my parents weren't around much when I was growing up. Thus I have never confided in them at all. Actually this leads to 3. Added up with the fact that they are true blue Asian Chinese parents that lives up to the stereotype and are crazy strict with us, so yeah, it's pretty impossible for me to even be myself around them.

3. I am a pretty closed and shy person.
However, once you really get to know me, which may take months, I will be a ball of sunshine and lameness. Judge me however you want.

4. I enjoy being home alone.
Okay this is a weird fact. I love my house, but without my parents or brother at home. Why? Because when I am home alone, I can literally walk naked wherever I want (not that I do, not all the time anyways) , roll and blaze whenever and wherever, hog the armchair ( which is the best and most comfy place on earth ) where I watch Sherlock or South Park or whatever that I'm watching at the time, or read books for 9 hours straight without people yelling at me to rest my eyes or eat, cuddle with my dog without distractions that causes it to jump about. So yeah, I really enjoy my time at home.

5.  I have crazy sensitive skin and eczema.
Which sucks. I can never have a facial.

6. I don't really enjoy studying.
Math and Science. Not really my forte, even though I am studying engineering. Its just a means for me to be taken seriously and be able to rule the world in the future. MUAHAHA. But seriously I would prefer reading and writing. Actually, I think its because my math and physics lecturers really suck cause I used to love math and physics, they give me such a rush, especially when you manage to solve some crazy difficult question, you literally feel like a god.

7. I hate cooking.
Its like the norm for girls to be able to cook. And yea I see plenty of Instagram photos depicting Fancy Feasts cooked by my friends. But I don't know what happened, maybe I lack a genome or something, I really don't like to cook. Again, not that I am bad at it, my relatives absolutely crave the cheesecakes that I make. But, somehow I think its too much work for too little reward. 3 hours of laboring at the kitchen preparing and cooking just for half an hour of satisfaction. NOT WORTH IT.

I can't think of anything else. Plus, I just microwaved my lunch. So. Guess I'm gonna watch Sherlock instead. Oh yeah.

8. I get sidetracked REALLY EASILY.
Which is really bad. I think I may have ADD.

Toodles