I haven't been writing in a while and I thought I should get back on the horse.
Writing, over time, has become less and less of my forte. It's not as though my ability to write has gone, it's more that my willingness to share has disappeared.
I have become more of a private person. I don't know when it started but I realized that people don't care too much about you. Such is the nature of humans, we are all a little narcissistic.
I also learned that over time, it's not that people don't care about you anymore, it's that people around you assume that you don't care about them. It goes both ways. And by wallowing in your own sadness, you failed to realize that everybody is also in the same fucking boat.
I don't know.
That has become the motto of my life at this time and age. I'm uncertain about everything and anything. Any philosophies I have held dear to me during my lifetime has changed. And I'm unsure and wary of everything.
It's been a struggle for me to find myself. To figure out what I want in life, who I really am, what are my true and core values without having society telling me who and what I should be. Is my identity tied to my history? I believe so, but does that mean I'll never be able to change that? How do I embrace who I really am?
I sometimes feel like life is all so tiring.
Justin. I don't feel feelings towards him anymore. Just an occasional pang. I'm glad he gets to live the life he wants without me holding him back anymore. I'm glad that we finally call it quits. It was really tough pretending to be someone I'm not. And he tolerated me. And me him. And for the longest time I was hoping to get some sort of connection/closure from the guy, and even today, I guess I'm hoping for some kind of conclusion rather than the somewhat open-ended break up we had. And I think I came to the realization a while back that I'll never get the connection that I wanted out of a relationship with him.
God bless.
Writing, over time, has become less and less of my forte. It's not as though my ability to write has gone, it's more that my willingness to share has disappeared.
I have become more of a private person. I don't know when it started but I realized that people don't care too much about you. Such is the nature of humans, we are all a little narcissistic.
I also learned that over time, it's not that people don't care about you anymore, it's that people around you assume that you don't care about them. It goes both ways. And by wallowing in your own sadness, you failed to realize that everybody is also in the same fucking boat.
I don't know.
That has become the motto of my life at this time and age. I'm uncertain about everything and anything. Any philosophies I have held dear to me during my lifetime has changed. And I'm unsure and wary of everything.
It's been a struggle for me to find myself. To figure out what I want in life, who I really am, what are my true and core values without having society telling me who and what I should be. Is my identity tied to my history? I believe so, but does that mean I'll never be able to change that? How do I embrace who I really am?
I sometimes feel like life is all so tiring.
Justin. I don't feel feelings towards him anymore. Just an occasional pang. I'm glad he gets to live the life he wants without me holding him back anymore. I'm glad that we finally call it quits. It was really tough pretending to be someone I'm not. And he tolerated me. And me him. And for the longest time I was hoping to get some sort of connection/closure from the guy, and even today, I guess I'm hoping for some kind of conclusion rather than the somewhat open-ended break up we had. And I think I came to the realization a while back that I'll never get the connection that I wanted out of a relationship with him.
God bless.
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