Career

I think the information that I like to read boils down to a couple things. 

Summary of information. Discovery of new information, and lastly reading about experiences. 

Documenting information is painful and annoying. I think I rely on my brain too much and expect to rely on my brain way too much.

Writing in a way that makes sense to other people is also incredibly difficult. 

Even writing back to myself is difficult a lot of the times.

I do think I spend a lot of my time in this daze of de motivation. I can't stop thinking of all the things I want to do in my life, and yet I lack the drive to do it. I can only conclude that the things aren't motivation enough.

Surprisingly, when people around me are motivated, it triggers something inside me to also be motivated. I don't know if it's competitiveness. I don't think so because when people are better than me, it makes me sad. I have a huge ego. 

Yet, I admire the drive. The bravery of people to share things and be willing to share things. Still, I'm unable to push myself to produce things the way that people do. 

I think I want to start out simple. I think I need to stick to habits. I have been unable to create new habits and I think in part it's largely because I've been bouncing back and forth to my boyfriend's and I lack organizational skills and most of my abilities are stuck to triggers.

Things around my apartment are triggers for me to start on various habits and without those, in a new environment, I tend to not work on the things that I want to, and that I should be. 

I really want to start writing more. I think, at the very least, organizing my thoughts on a daily basis would be a huge blessing, rather than just writing whenever I feel strong emotions.