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 I think my thoughts are a lot clearer today so I want to write them down. 

I think the portion of shame that comes is that I feel like maybe I don't deserve a relationship. That something must be wrong with me. Why does nobody want me to be their partner. I want to be somebody's partner. Also, why I hyper fixate so badly on Jaime. He has indicated and gave me mixed signals that he wants me. He is amazing and wonderful. Sure, we were really bad together. And the more I pause and think, I know that we were bad together. Yet. Am I the problem. Why am I so unlovable. 

Am I a good partner in life? 

If a friend of mine said that. 

You guys just weren't good together. He couldn't love you the way that you wanted him to. And you walked on eggshells constantly. You didn't feel supported by him. You wasted the past 2 years on this relationship. Let's not waste more time on this anymore. You are loved by so many. You are attractive, have a good personality (Do I have a good personality? You don't know anymore) and you are smart and capable. There is no reason you wouldn't find somebody that suits you better. The more time you spend groveling about this, the more time you waste on not finding somebody that is a better match for you. 

Jaime was amazing. Yes. But he likely will be amazing for somebody else. He didn't have the emotional capacity to be the person you needed. He admitted that and you know that. You like the idea of him. And understandably, you love him. You love him so much. He is also worthy of finding a love that won't make him feel as badly as he does. He needs somebody that is emotionally stable the way that you aren't. 

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