Feelings #4

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 I don't think you have been a good boyfriend to me. 

I have historically felt insecure in our relationship. I've always felt you had one leg out of the door and I felt as though I have not been able to talk about things that upset me. 

Lots of things also upset you and I spend a lot of my time tiptoeing around that. And instead of talking to me, trying to understand me, trying to work towards a problem together, it always becomes this tug of war of trying to change each other's minds.  And I feel as though I have changed a lot for you. We are fundamentally different and I've felt like I always tried to meet you halfway. And I don't think you have attempted to even do that for me. It's always been that you're right, and I'm wrong and you drop things but you still hold a lot against me and I can't do anything to change your mind or resolve your issues, help you heal.

I have needs and expectations to make me feel good. And I have expressed them to you and you've expressed that you don't want to do those. Fine. I came to not expect them of you and now I feel unloved and uncared for. I know you do a lot for the relationship but at the end of the day, I don't need a lot of that. And at the end of the day, I don't think it's been enough. 

It feels like you keep a tally of the things you've done and you've held it against me continuously. You've asked me multiple times, what do I (YX) have done for the relationship and you make statements that you single handedly mended the relationship.

I know I haven't been perfect too but I think I've tried and I gave it a good shot. 

What keeps me in the relationship for that long is the fact that I see glimpses of perfectness. Of a life ahead of us. Of you and me working well. But you've mentioned again, that it's a lot of effort on your part. I can't live the rest of my life like that. I guess this is the end.

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