Why do you not commit suicide?

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 What a good question. 

I would say nothing. 

Living is full of endless possibilities. Not really endless, but more endless than dying. Committing suicide puts an end to those possibilities. And while I think I do live without regrets. I try my best to tell the people that love me, that I love them too. I try to show them my love. I don't really have long term plans just in case I die tomorrow, just so I don't really have regrets. 

I think me being gone would make the people that knew me, sad. And I think many people know me. Many people loved me. While it makes sense that when I'm gone, I won't see their pain and I know people are resilient and eventually get over the fact that I'll be gone. I also think I'm resilient, and regardless of how hard life is, it's never as hard as not having a chance to live it. 

Who am I to defy everybody else's expectations? I think people think highly of me and love me. I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want to make the people I love be in pain. I don't want to cause pain. It would kill me to know that I caused my loved ones pain. I still think I have love for people. Do I? 

I love making people laugh, crack a smile. Making people happy gives me a purpose in life. Making people feel emotions. I want to be the happiness in people's lives. I can't die. I won't die. I don't know what happens after this but at least I know I have more control than I have after this. 

I don't know if this makes sense. It's sort of rambly. But I'm so happy. 

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