It's been a busy week. I'm always surprised how my schedule fills up so fast and there are many days where I feel terrible and lonely and yet just the next day, regardless of nothing changing, I feel so much better. I wonder what it is. 

Couple things on my mind today. Pottery projects. I want to do a drape vase that would be pretty cool. I think it would mainly be a vase and probably glazed in white. I think I want to make a cereal bowl for Shyn too. She doesn't want a white glaze so I'll look into options, I'm thinking maybe yellow. I'll have to throw those bowls on a wheel and then joining them later. 

I wanted to go to the studio today but it seems I might not have the time. 

Formation stuff. I have not yet gotten into it this week. I guess due to the massive drain in energy I had early this week from just the weekend and all the emotional and hormonal stuff that I go through. I'm wondering what is an easy way of making sure that doesn't affect me as much. It's been a bit too much where I oscillate between being totally okay to being an emotional wreck. 

The thing is, when I'm an emotional wreck, I tend to not be able to get out of it without just time and I self destruct and I don't even know. Do terrible things to my own self esteem and just doing terrible things in general where my regular self would not be okay with. I think I maybe need a therapist to deal with it but idek ngl. Maybe when I feel bad I need to be able to grasp certain small activities that would make me feel better. Like eating, and going for a walk and doing pottery idk. 

Just work. 

Also learning and all that seems really overwhelming cause there's just so much to learn. I really want to fundamentally understand linear algebra and I still don't get it. Sigh. 

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