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 I think I need to write. 

My body is so sore. I ran yesterday with Kevin and Eician. My knees hurt. 

I feel so alone. I feel a level of limerence towards Jaime. It's been like this since Friday/Saturday, where I saw a glimpse/heard of glimpse of him. I miss him so much. 

Hung out with the board game people and even Jenny knew about the breakup. That kind of hurts me. I don't like that. How did she know? Not that it's a secret but now people are asking me about my dating life and that just sucks.

I think any day that I wake up and have no plans for the day itself, I feel down. Doesn't help that yesterday night kind of sucked cause we played terraforming mars and all I could think about was Jaime and how if he was there, it would be so much more fun. There would be jokes and little glances and dumb commentary and I really, really miss him. He gave me so much confidence and fun times whenever he was in a great mood. 

I think I go through phases like this where I just miss the guy. I don't even know if I miss him or I miss the idea of him. Seeing him in a blurry picture makes me all sorts of out of place. I was so scared driving yesterday night and I just wished he was there. There are so many moments like that literally within our relationship where I was scared and wished he was there but he wasn't. So I don't know why I'm romanticizing this. It is literally the same. I'm so glad his family is okay though. That little tidbit that Cyndi asked for me felt good. I feel a little better yet a little bad too.  

I just really hate that friends that knew him that I haven't seen in a while bringing him up. The board games people asking about my dating life just really really sucked. Cyndi and Alan asking about him and talking about him really really sucked too. Fucking Eric too. I don't know why. Maybe I just don't have the best people around me yet. 

I think terraforming mars made me sad. 

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