Hey, so i woke up today feeling very creative and smart, so I decided to write a bit since I'm free anyway. Well not really very free I do have piano lessons at 12. Which makes me want to rant. I have had piano lessons since I was 4 years old and now I'm already 19 and yet I still need to continue with it, what a waste of a good weekend. Plus, I'm not allowed to drive so my parents or my brother would always need to drive me there and although they don't complaint out loud, I can still sense the crazy, loud, bitch mental shout in their brains for needing to ferry me around. I should be practicing my piano. Or not one hour of class would turn out to be one hour of mad scolding from my teacher. Well, typing, in some way, trains the finger muscles, I bet, that's why people get carpal right. And I downloaded Tinder. Was reading 9gag, and it seems fun. For people living under a rock, Tinder would be some dating app where you get to label people if they are ...
I haven't been writing in a while and I thought I should get back on the horse. Writing, over time, has become less and less of my forte. It's not as though my ability to write has gone, it's more that my willingness to share has disappeared. I have become more of a private person. I don't know when it started but I realized that people don't care too much about you. Such is the nature of humans, we are all a little narcissistic. I also learned that over time, it's not that people don't care about you anymore, it's that people around you assume that you don't care about them. It goes both ways. And by wallowing in your own sadness, you failed to realize that everybody is also in the same fucking boat. I don't know. That has become the motto of my life at this time and age. I'm uncertain about everything and anything. Any philosophies I have held dear to me during my lifetime has changed. And I'm unsure and wary of everything. ...
I don't think you have been a good boyfriend to me. I have historically felt insecure in our relationship. I've always felt you had one leg out of the door and I felt as though I have not been able to talk about things that upset me. Lots of things also upset you and I spend a lot of my time tiptoeing around that. And instead of talking to me, trying to understand me, trying to work towards a problem together, it always becomes this tug of war of trying to change each other's minds. And I feel as though I have changed a lot for you. We are fundamentally different and I've felt like I always tried to meet you halfway. And I don't think you have attempted to even do that for me. It's always been that you're right, and I'm wrong and you drop things but you still hold a lot against me and I can't do anything to change your mind or resolve your issues, help you heal. I have needs and expectations to make me feel good. And I have expressed them to you ...
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