I don't know if I miss you or if I miss being in a relationship.

I don't know if I can ever be with you anymore. Just had a dream about you weirdly at my high school, teaching something apparently. Seems like it's because I was thinking of you and I had the conversation with my brother about people going back to high school and how much of a loser I think those people are.

I think I miss being in a relationship, cause there isn't specific aspects about you that I miss per se. It's more of hey I miss sticking my feet under your butt when we watch TV on the couch. Going to bed when you're already sleeping. Sex I guess. It's the routine I kinda miss. Then again, I never had the routines with anybody else, those are solely ours.

I guess I'll talk to you again in a couple months, see where we are then. Don't think you'll have changed at all. I don't think it'll work nevertheless.

I think I kinda hate you for suggesting we meet again in a year. Like fuck that. Now I'm only thinking about that.

Plus you hate my guts. That doesn't help either. You hating my guts kinda means you're still hung up on me. And it only reinforces that fact that you're an immature POS.

Anyways. Writing this so I won't obsess about stuff. I'm in Malaysia now and my visa got temporarily refused. And I'm oddly thinking about you pretty often. It's ridiculous. It's been a long time and I still think of you everyday. I don't know if it's because that was it? That you were my soulmate or if it's because I miss being in a relationship.

It's fucking ridiculous. I don't mind being home actually, it's pretty chill. Plus I get to hangout with my old friends ish. It's nice catching up I guess? I just need to work a little too. My brain is kinda just molting over time.

This post is a shit show. It's just me rambling about nothing. I think I need a therapy session.