Friday, April 22, 2016

It's pretty hard to make friends.

Especially when you came from another country and share zero of the same culture. 

Will there be a day when I am like 50 years old and I have found that I have no real friends. As in, nobody that really know me for me. That would suck. 

It's not that I don't have friends. It's just I don't have a BEST friend. Somebody that knows me inside out, like Ted and Marshall, Chandler and Joey, although I feel like Joey and Chandler aren't the best BEST of friends, like Joey doesn't understand a lot of what Chandler talks about. But like Meredith and Christina. Yea. I want a friendship like Meredith and Christina. Somebody that I am able to trust my life decisions with.

I want a person.

I just haven't met him/ her yet. Well, I have a best friend on earth actually, just so happen I also am sleeping with him. So, er I don't know if that counts. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Just a few updates here. I am writing a paper and well, I haven't wrote in a long long long time, I need to kickstart my creative mind engine or something to start. 

So my paper is on Sally Mann, which is honestly so fricking cool. She's a photographer and author. EVERYTHING I used to aspire to be. Her job is literally my dream job. Just going around taking pictures and writing stories. 

So I bought myself a new laptop. A really expensive laptop. Huge splurge on my part. And now I have to buy myself a really expensive backpack to go with it. I'm gonna go bankrupt soon. 

I kinda feel guilty spending my parent's money like that. I try to save money but then I just utterly fail at saving money, and then proceed to feel guilty with every purchase I make. I'll be like, hey, I am going to quit buying expensive, overpriced, coffee from coffee shops, I'll just make myself a pot before I head out for the day. And then I just lose it when I walk past a coffee shop and then I run in and spend like 3 dollars for a cup of coffee that I could just make for like, a quarter. I am just a horrible money-saver. 

I actually am unable to word vomit like I used to. I tried writing some random shit to get things going but I don't know, just nothing comes to mind. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME. 

Oh so over the weekend dear Dylan came to town and we hung out and all. I feel so guilty sometimes cause when he comes over to Madison I kinda have a crapton of shit to deal with and am unable to spend time being a gracious hostess. It's his birthday too. So yea I feel like crap.

When do I NOT feel like crap. 

Oh and I feel like crap when I have no idea what's going on in class and have to depend on my classmates to be able to do basic homework. Which is like URGH, Xian, you are paying like 16 grand to attend classes, and you DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. Like dude, get your shit together man. 

Yea I think I got them creative juices up and running. Hahaha it's funny cause I am actually drinking a cup of juice this exact moment. I wish it is a sippy cup tho. Always wanted to drink out of one of those. I guess at one point of my life I have drank out of one, but I don't remember it. My mom hates me using pacifiers/ sippy cups. She blames them for the crooked ass teeth I have before I got braces.

Okay, got a paper and 3 pages of code to write. Xian out.