Night Thoughts

Hey

Its like 12am right now in Kota Kinabalu where I currently am residing at my aunt's house.

Been spending my last few weeks in Malaysia in a daze. Endless shopping and preparing and spending as much time as possible with the BF before I leave.

Well. Am gonna write here to clear my conscience a tad bit as I feel kinda guilty and shitty about myself these few days.

Yeap. I have indeed bitched quite a bit about my parents to my relatives right here. Which made me feel pretty darn guilty as bitching to relatives are way more harmful than bitching to friends.

How so?

This is because relatives kinda know your parents since forever and have this great impression about them and bitching about your parents to them is way more hurtful as it totally ruins the good impression of your relatives towards your parents. With friends however, it doesn't really matter as they will always stand by you against your parents as well as the fact that they barely hang out with your parents.

And of course there is the greater risk of them repeating what you just said right back at your parents and your parents would come and whoop your ass.

Just because of that last fact, I have just spent nearly 3 hours sitting in the living room in front of a TV program that I have zero interest in, entertaining a hyperactive 3 year old, just to eavesdrop on what my aunts are talking about to my mom. Just to make sure it doesn't get back to her.

I'm such a retard sometimes. Caffeine makes me lose the ability to control my mouth. Just a few cups of tea this afternoon and I spill all kinds of gossip and secrets to my aunts due to being overexcited.

Alright about my trip here.

I did not bring my camera and my phone pics are totally shitty. I love photography but just sometimes I'm too darn lazy to take photographs. Hey, editing and uploading and just the act of taking photograph is way tiring. Usually, to take a photograph, it requires the patience of the entire group of people you are with, to pause in walking to wait for you to take photographs, or to pose for a photograph, or to take a photograph of you. The worse would be food photography, where a whole group of hungry humans have to wait an extra few minutes to eat their long awaited food and you stop them all just to take a photo, choose an appropriate filter, and retake until the angle is satisfactory or what not. Its like being a Marty in a jungle of Alexes. Madagascar reference. Sorry. Have been hanging out tons with little kids these few days.

Right. My trip.

So we did not do any sight-seeing whatsoever. Most of the trip is spent on eating and defecating and long ass car rides. Aunts here brought us to eat every single food item in KK, or at least, what I felt I have eaten these few days is the food of all of KK. My food pics would be totally awesome, if I were brave enough to take some. The seafood here is amazeballs humans. Dem prawns are the size of my palm and are so frigging fresh they may just come back to life at any moment. (My metaphors are crap sorry). And we have been eating all kinds of variation of seafood. Full course of steamed seafood, seafood noodles, seafood Wat Tan Ho etc etc. OOH and pork noodles. Man those were good. The pork noodles here comes with no egg, and the best part is the pork meat, which they cook with starch or something that makes it all soft and succulent.

So all in all, even though I missed like 3 days of computer time and time with friends as well as a new years countdown party, I guess I made up for it by gaining another 3kgs. Which is cool. I need that fat to survive the winter.

Happy New Years peeps.

Won't be celebrating its arrival as will be on a taxi ride home during that time. Maybe there will be fireworks at the side of the road. But well I will not be sore, am still gonna wish everybody else a happy new year. Which I don't think anybody would notice anyway as all are getting pissed drunk.

Blegh

Toodles

Quick Resolution Jotdown

So heya bloggie quick one.

Heard some awfully good advice yesterday and it went something like:

Find three hobbies in your life, one to make you money, one to keep you in shape and one to be creative. 

So yea I kinda thought it was true and from now on I'm gonna pursue these three hobbies when I am less busy and have more time and that's why I'm writing this down in case I forget about this.

My memory sucks I know.

So a hobby to make me money. Future me, pursue PHOTOGRAPHY. You remember how much you love pretty pictures and actually find it surprising about how much you can earn with a good picture? With all kinds of social media now, you can do that shit and earn off it. PLUS its fun. If you need more motivation go on ahead to Instagram and look at all them rich kids at the recommended section.

A hobby to keep me in shape. Dance! Future you. Or Ultimate Frisbee, or Cheer? Anything. You need to exercise anyway you big hunk of fat. Remember how much you love to dance? Them hours of ballet lessons when you were younger? True they made you so damn tired and you had to come home late and you were always hungry. But hey you never hated it you smelly mofo. WASH YOUR SOCKS THIS TIME.

Lastly, one to be creative. Either go for writing, like what I am doing now, or drawing or OMG compose something to don't put those 10 years in piano class to waste. Hm. You are pretty talented in all and all are a kind of mental release from work. Like when you write, or draw, or play piano, you remember it was a total stress reliever as you didn't need to brain at all.

OKAY CIAOS CIAOS

Hope you are doing well.

Eating cheese biscuits and supposed to be studying for World Religion Yi Xian.

Blame

Maybe I put the blame on everybody except myself.

Perhaps what went wrong was me.

Kinda depressed sometimes. Been blaming the whole world. Maybe the fact that I don't have many close friends is my fault. Maybe my incapability to open up to others is my own doing.

Yet, I don't think I can do much about it.

I need help.

Maybe I'm just not as strong as I think I am. The years of mental abuse may just possibly leave scars on me rather than bouncing off harmlessly as I have believed.

I need to smoke.

This is killing me.

Confirmed

Hello guys :)

Kinda happy these days cause I'm living on my own personal Cloud 9. I kinda can say "screw you" to all my homework and assignments, raise my middle finger proud and straight to my coursework marks and basically ignore all there is to do for school work. Heck, I can even be rude to anybody I fancy and be a total bitch and piss everybody off.

"Why?" you may ask in a polite way but in fact you don't really care

Well, I got into the UNIVERSITY of MY CHOICE. Which came as a shocker to me cause I ain't the best among my peers that also applied there. Like I'm the runt of the CGPA puppy litter, the one with the mediocre CGPA and also the one that handed all her application materials way overdue of the deadline.

So well, gonna update here a lot in the near future I think. Since I will be all alone in some foreign and cold country with awesome sights and photography opportunities what with the snow and Christmas and autumn. Plus I should write down my story somewhere. My parents paid a lot to send me overseas, I should document all them experiences.

I think I may be a winter kind of person. I can't say for sure, not having ever experienced winter, but words like fleece, leaves, snow, Christmas, cinnamon, and gravy are all kind of my favorite words. Hm but going to the States makes me a HAPPY HUMAN.

Toodles with all my love

Facts about me

Heys,

Disclaimer: I know this has been WAY overdone and the trend for it is WAY over. But I have been tagged on Instagram and I didn't think Instagram had the space for my rantings. I didn't want to do this but heck why not, I get to know myself better and make space for me to improve myself.

Alright. Usually people start off with a picture, but I'm camera shy.

1. I am camera shy.
Well, it isn't because I am a hideous snake headed person with bulbous eyes that burns up cameras. In fact, I am pretty cute. However I am just NOT photogenic. Pictures of me all look like I'm in pain or that the sun is too bright or that the cameraman killed my parents. PLUS, pictures eventually end up on social media or somebody else's hands, and for whatever reason, I am just not comfortable with strangers looking at my photos, it's like meeting someone without knowing you met them. Which is just creepy.

2. Speaking of which, my parents aren't the closest people on earth with me. 
This is bad, but my parents weren't around much when I was growing up. Thus I have never confided in them at all. Actually this leads to 3. Added up with the fact that they are true blue Asian Chinese parents that lives up to the stereotype and are crazy strict with us, so yeah, it's pretty impossible for me to even be myself around them.

3. I am a pretty closed and shy person.
However, once you really get to know me, which may take months, I will be a ball of sunshine and lameness. Judge me however you want.

4. I enjoy being home alone.
Okay this is a weird fact. I love my house, but without my parents or brother at home. Why? Because when I am home alone, I can literally walk naked wherever I want (not that I do, not all the time anyways) , roll and blaze whenever and wherever, hog the armchair ( which is the best and most comfy place on earth ) where I watch Sherlock or South Park or whatever that I'm watching at the time, or read books for 9 hours straight without people yelling at me to rest my eyes or eat, cuddle with my dog without distractions that causes it to jump about. So yeah, I really enjoy my time at home.

5.  I have crazy sensitive skin and eczema.
Which sucks. I can never have a facial.

6. I don't really enjoy studying.
Math and Science. Not really my forte, even though I am studying engineering. Its just a means for me to be taken seriously and be able to rule the world in the future. MUAHAHA. But seriously I would prefer reading and writing. Actually, I think its because my math and physics lecturers really suck cause I used to love math and physics, they give me such a rush, especially when you manage to solve some crazy difficult question, you literally feel like a god.

7. I hate cooking.
Its like the norm for girls to be able to cook. And yea I see plenty of Instagram photos depicting Fancy Feasts cooked by my friends. But I don't know what happened, maybe I lack a genome or something, I really don't like to cook. Again, not that I am bad at it, my relatives absolutely crave the cheesecakes that I make. But, somehow I think its too much work for too little reward. 3 hours of laboring at the kitchen preparing and cooking just for half an hour of satisfaction. NOT WORTH IT.

I can't think of anything else. Plus, I just microwaved my lunch. So. Guess I'm gonna watch Sherlock instead. Oh yeah.

8. I get sidetracked REALLY EASILY.
Which is really bad. I think I may have ADD.

Toodles

Fairness

My post titles are all so one-worded and deep my entire blog looks like a season of Wilfred

Which in any case you guys do not know, its a TV series featuring Elijah Wood, which although he doesn't look THAT good as a hobbit, he has the most PRISTINE eyes on earth. Could swim in those things man.

 

ANYWAYS, I am studying for a certain public speaking test tomorrow and not surprisingly got distracted and went and blog-hopped.

And, well, I really think some people do not deserve what they have.

Isn't it unfair that people who are rich and pretty have everything they have on earth except a decent personality and ethics?

Rich and pretty people seem to just cruise through life without needing a single brain cell, just really good photo editing skills to fool the mass crowd.

And although it may sound like extreme sour grapes here, trust me in the fact that I do not want any part of fame see. And anything I say from now on is gonna sound like I'm defending myself, but hey, I study engineering people, I voluntarily slave myself over maths and physics equations everyday and I read thick volumes of thesis and mystery science fiction that no sane rich nor pretty people would go near. AND I FUCKING ENJOY IT.

Why am I justifying myself.

So, what I am saying here is, there are many more talented, intelligent, and creative human beings in this world that lack the facilities to make it big. And that's a pity. 

Study time. Toods :)

Paper Towns

Well it has been a while since I read a book. So I'm currently reading Paper Towns by John Green, which I know is such a mainstream book but since it is already mainstreamed and I haven't even read it yet makes me feel like I'm too uncool.

It's like totally incredible one can have like 2 different personalities and hide one so well. I want to be like that, so mysterious and all. It's like a secret you hide from the rest of the world. So cool.

But well, I haven't finish the book yet so there may be a major plot twist that Margo's bipolar or something. Quentin sounds cool tho. Would rather live a nerd like him that be some cool cheerleader or popular kid.

Anyways University Applications are a pain in the neck. SO MANY DOCUMENTS.

Short post today. I've got a book to finish and essays to write.

Third person

She is sad. Writing in a third person makes her feel less vulnerable to the world, and that she copied how to write from a third person's point of view makes her feel shitty. Like, won't I have any original thoughts? Or do I always have to take other people's ideas and plagiarize. It makes her feel dumb and unintelligent.

Alright. Had the best dinner. It was mostly the good food and the nice environment. But somehow, in her heart, she knows that this is probably one of the last rare times that she will sit with her dad alone, eating a nice dinner just both of them.

Her dad isn't a nice person. She knew it. She knows she has to get away from him, or over time she will become her dad's mirror image, forever imprinted with the meanness that is inherited from generation to generation. Her aunts were all mean, her grandparents were probably mean if she had the chance to know them.

Yet, he is her dad. He is the one that pays for bills and work hard to put food on the table. He is the one that sacrifices his time to make his family's life better. He had a hard and bitter life. He had every excuse to be mean. He knows he is mean, but yet he doesn't make moves to change his personality. He gets angry everyday at tiny issues, he is selfish, he is egoistic and demanding as well as impatient as a child on Christmas Eve.

It is difficult to be in this position. She feels bad, yet she knows she has to leave. She loves her dad. And now she is crying her eyes out as she acknowledges that fact.

They talked about the food. How good it was. They talked about old times. However, she is careful of what she says. It is easy to make him angry. He was like an active volcano, ready to erupt in anger any moment. It makes her sad.

The food was good though. The bill was very expensive. The waiter bid them a good journey and they left. Goodbye. I am leaving my childhood behind now.

Now I think I know 
What you tried to say to me 
How you suffered for your sanity 
How you tried to set them free 
They did not listen they're not listening still 
Perhaps they never will 

Fall semester

Well the new semester has started and you can't blame me for not writing here often since I really have classes to attend, buttload of universities to choose to spend my next few years in, and multiple menial and pointless problems to worry about. Life is busy.

Plus, I don't have much of a life anyways. Most of the time after college, I'll just go home and blaze up and spend the rest of the day watching movies and cat videos, or even people sitting on toilets, laughing till my stomach hurts. And if I already have dirty hair, I'll throw in a workout after that. So, my life is obviously pretty boring.

Well, toodles for now. I have stalkers to avoid and differential equations to worry about.

Been feeling so damn lazy recently. It's horrible being a girl honestly. Periods, mood swings, pain everywhere, its like God was hurt really bad by his ex and hate females with a burning vengeance.

So I'm still on holiday at least. Been lazing around at home watching back to back pretty little liars episodes. I noticed my standard of English deteriorated so fervently that I can't even string proper sentences without the help of Google and auto-correct. Technology is a Godsend. Going to sit for TOEFL in a few weeks hopefully and with my current standard I don't think I will get a good score see. Thus, the increase in my writing frequency here.

Since nobody ever reads this blog its like I could type whatever shit I wanted to. I could talk about my farts even. Which, I think its a girl thing, girl farts are all usually crazy silent, like, if we were in a quiet room, you'll be able to hear a pin drop before hearing me fart. Though, apparently, girl farts are usually way smellier, which well, make sense. Silent killers.

I've been reading around Beauty blogs in Malaysia and OMG I kid you not the standard of English in my country is way low. Or maybe its due to the fact that beauty bloggers are prettier than the average person, therefore have less brain cells and are bimbos. Or maybe they use too much beauty products such as hair dye and the dye actually seeps into their brains via diffusion and thus, damaging their brain and lowering the standard of English. Or you know, pretty people usually get their way anyways and they don't need to use their brains much thus it shrank and became a lump of tofu. Just a theory.

Just Google some beauty products and add in Malaysia at the end of your search query and be amazed.

I'm still watching Pretty Little Liars. Four more days to the end of my holidays. Don't think I have enough time to finish Season 3 and 4.

Jimmy Fallon is pretty funny, I don't know why people hate him so. OKAY, maybe he's not that funny, but he's really sporting and not that bad as a host. I've seen worst hosts. Hey, he doesn't mind getting drunk, wet, and generally do embarrassing stuff on national television. I don't see many people ego less enough to do that honestly.

And I'm rambling.

I'm so bored. But somehow the idea of term starting next week makes me really depressed. Like, I rather be sad and bored and over think alone at home for 2 months rather than go meet people in college and go to lectures and make small talk. I have severe social anxiety I guess.

I have a really sad sad life see.

The Bucket List

Found this article somewhere and I'm copying it to paste here.

Last year a man’s life came to an end.

As the man was lifted to the heavens, St. Peter met him at the pearly white gates and said, “You’ve been a good, honest man… so you’ve made the cut for Heaven.  And just so you know, Heaven is freaking sweet.  There’s everything you could hope for… all the food you want without gaining any weight, all the games you want to play and adventures you want to go on and awesome people to hang out with all day long.

There’s only one rule…”St Peter then points behind him to a shiny, red door with gold trim and says, “You must NOT go through that door… regardless of what the circumstances are.  NEVER go in there.  Okay?”

The man says, ‘Okay.’ And makes his way through the gates into heaven.

For the first month he’s having a blast… eating great food and hanging out with amazing people.  But after a few weeks… he gets curious.  “What could possibly be behind that door he wonders?”

Then one day… he found the door open.

He looked over his shoulders and no one was looking.. so he crept in.

When he gets inside he sees this MASSIVE warehouse of boxes that are stacked to the ceiling like a Costco building.  There are endless rows and rows and rows of them.   And as he’s walking down the rows, he noticed each box has a name attached to it.

His pace speeds up as he starts searching for where his own box is.  After 45 minutes of searching, he finds his box on the third shelf.  He reaches up to grab it and brings it down to the ground with him.

The man is standing over the box on the floor in front of him with anticipation… “What could possibly be in here!?!” he wonders.

All of the sudden, he feels a tap on his left shoulder…

It’s St. Peter.

St. Peter asks “What do you think you’re doing?  I asked you NOT to go in here.”

The man apologizes and says, “I’m so sorry… the door was open and I just couldn’t help myself.  And then I found my box and got so curious as to what it could be… would you mind telling me what’s in here?”

St. Peter quietly tells him, “What’s in that box is every experience you COULD have had on earth if you were only bold enough to ask for it.  Every relationship you could have built.  Every adventure you could have went on.  Every country you could have traveled to.  Every moment that you could have spent doing what you love.”

Therefore. I'm going to open that box alright. Hoping its going to be as tiny as possible. If possible, I'm gonna make it empty. Hence, My Bucket List.

1. Float around in space
2. Bungee Jumping
3. Sky Diving
4. Be an extra in a Hollywood movie
5. Rave at Tomorrowland (preferably Belgium)
6. Backpack around Europe

• Drink beer in Dublin, Ireland on St. Patrick Day
• Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany
• Walk at the top of the Eiffel Tower, Paris
• Parthenon, Greece
• Light a Joint, Red Light District, Amsterdam
• Attend a Manchester United football match in Great Britain
• Pompeii, Vienna, Italy

7. Hang glide over Rio de Janeiro, Brasil (like in Rio)
8. Climb a mountain

9. Dance in Rio Carnival Parade, Brasil

10. Go on a cruise ship from one country to another

11. Start a Successful Blog 

12. Become proficient in Adobe Photoshop and become a photographer (for real)

13. Write and record a song

14. Drive a Ferrari on an autobahn

15. Own a Volkswagen Beetle

16. Learn how to play guitar good enough to perform a gig

17. Learn how to dance good enough to dance on stage 

18. Fly a helicopter, an airplane, a Fighter Jet

19. Run a full marathon of 26 miles

20. Road trip from LA to NYC, visit NYC ( Empire State Building, 5th Avenue, Time Square, Broadway, NYC subway, Wall Street, Central Park, Statue of Liberty )

21. Viva Las Vegas

22. Learn a Foreign Language

23. Surf on the Gold Coast, Australia

24. Go to Church

25. Get a kick ass tattoo or piercing

26. Skiing 

27. Watch snow fall, build a snowman

28. Fight for a cause that I support, go to a rally/ parade/ mob

29. Learn how to fire a gun

30. Swim with dolphins
31. Go to DisneyWorld
32. Have children, kids
33. Camp out outside a shop waiting for a sale, iphone to release, whatever.

Her

Hey,

I've just watch this really cool movie named Her, and you should honestly watch it too, its good. So its about the relationship of this guy named Theodore with his operating system. Yea, you read it correct, his OS. Which, although sounds crazy freaky, like woah this is going to be the start of some crazy kinky kind of computer love, but no its more like an emotional bond kind of thing, which is kinda lovely and sweet.

Honestly I won't mind dating an OS. Its difficult with humans sometimes. 

Pros of dating an OS:

(1) No need for personal hygiene

      Since your significant other is literally a computer, he/she doesn't really have a sense of smell, so you could totally stink up the entire place and he/she won't give you shit about it. Farting? Not a problem, heck you could totally be a hobo and have no contact with a brush for your entire life and your significant other will still love you. The beauty industry will totally crumble and collapse. OMG you could weigh 800 pounds even and have a closet consisting of solely pajamas and he/she will still love you.

(2) No need to bring him/her on dates

      Think of the amount of money you get to save. No need for flowers, champagne, petrol, new clothes, dinner or heck even condoms. Plus even if you feel like it and you go ahead and dress up, buy flowers and go on a date with your OS, you get to keep everything at the end of the date, like, if you get chocolate and flowers, you could just show them to your OS and he/she would be all touched and you could finish up the champagne.

(3) Constant increase of knowledge

      Well, OS is constantly connected to the Internet, so talking to him/her would be like reading a book. And you could talk to him/her about all kinds of shit and him/her would have some form of knowledge about it, or heck he/she could make an immediate search in a 12/10000 of a second and come back with 1,938,303,293 results of what you were saying. Which is extremely useful as when you actually talk to humans, you seem like a crazy genius.

(4) Totally personalized significant other

      There will be totally no need to answer the "Do I look fat in this?" question anymore. You could make your OS wear bikinis whole year round and he/she can't do shit about it. Plus, since the OS doesn't have a personality of its own, it builds its personality on you, therefore, it creates the perfect partner for you. 

(5) When him/her gets annoying, you can just shut him/her off

(6) Significant other gets to be with you anytime, anywhere

       Feeling lonely? Turn on your phone "Hello, Sweetheart". Walking on the street? "Baby, I love you." In a boring meeting? "Uh Uh Baby" So yea. Never will you feel lonely. Ever. Like eating alone in restaurants would be the norm by then.

(7) Soulmate

Yeap. And the few cons would be the lack of a physical body, but oh well, scientist are always inventing stuff. Oh and it you won't be able to have kids I guess, but see gay rights are a thing now and they even can get married and all that, so I don't see it a reason in the future for an OS relationship to have that kind of rights actually.\

Writing more before term starts

Hey, so i woke up today feeling very creative and smart, so I decided to write a bit since I'm free anyway. Well not really very free I do have piano lessons at 12.

Which makes me want to rant. I have had piano lessons since I was 4 years old and now I'm already 19 and yet I still need to continue with it, what a waste of a good weekend. Plus, I'm not allowed to drive so my parents or my brother would always need to drive me there and although they don't complaint out loud, I can still sense the crazy, loud, bitch mental shout in their brains for needing to ferry me around. 

I should be practicing my piano. Or not one hour of class would turn out to be one hour of mad scolding from my teacher. Well, typing, in some way, trains the finger muscles, I bet, that's why people get carpal right. 

And I downloaded Tinder. Was reading 9gag, and it seems fun. For people living under a rock, Tinder would be some dating app where you get to label people if they are Hot or Not, which is perfect cause its an app that is supposed to let you judge people. So when two people Hot each other, you can make contact and start talking.

 So while I don't really need Tinder (I do have a relationship, kind of, I'm not too pathetic),I downloaded it anyway. "Why?" you ask, "Do you like to hook 20 guys around?" "You whore". Well calm your mammary glands people. Well, in real life, its not like we have a chance to choose who you are friends with. You just happen to make friends with whoever that happen to be there. For example, first day of school, you usually make small talk with whoever you are sitting with that day, and that person would turn out to be your BFF for the rest of the term. And if they are crazy bitchy, well too bad for you everyone else is taken.

So that'll be cool, gonna spend the whole day today playing with Tinder I guess. Choosing a profile pic should take 3 hours at the least. OOOH over time I'll be hanging out with an army of crazy hot guys. Like to be my friend you should have at least, beautiful eyes, good control of your hair, strong jawline, and 6 pack abs. Nah I'm kidding. That person would immediately rise in rank and become my boyfriends instead of mere friend.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Honestly I think I have a pretty decent singing voice. Maybe when I go to the States I shall try out American Idol. Since the judges are now J.LO, Keith Urban and Harry Connick Jr. , I really do think I have a chance to at least get a Golden Ticket.

I haven't gone to piano yet, nor practiced anything. So gonna get nagged at. Blegh. Well, at least I have sang the entire song list of Lionel Richie and Stevie Wonder on You tube and have not been yelled at by my brother or neighbors , so, I guess I've got that going on for me. 

Toxic

So would you rather have crazy toxic friends that suck your life away than have no friends at all?

Well I know that my topics are all kind of crazy depressing but nothing really interesting happens in my life; plus I suck at telling stories, or that's what my friend tells me. 

Its like the Thomas Theorem where it states that " if men define situations as real, they are real in their consequences." Sorry to get all academic, but it's like the behavior of one person is determined by his or her perception of the situation you're in. So since my friend told me all the time that I suck at telling stories, over time, I do believe that I suck at telling stories, and eventually stop telling stories. 

 

So there is this article that I read, that talks about toxic friends, and well, found out toxicity is actually a two way street, so in some ways, I am a bitch too. So if i don't call somebody, I do in fact, expect people to make the first move and call me first, but apparently its toxic behavior cause it causes people to wither away. 

Maybe I should open up more. See I barely talk to anybody, like, nothing real and from the heart. Since nighttime is the time where the real persona surfaces in people and where fake faces drop off. And, well I can never hangout at night and mornings people really aren't willing to hangout much see.

I make a lot of excuses for myself. However I don't think I'm much different from the various lurker of the deep Internet. I'm a lurker too, and yes I've been to some dark parts of the Internet, it really scars you forever.

Alright maybe I'm all grumpy cause I'm crazy hungry and my parents aren't at home yet to feed me. And maybe I'm PMSey, cause well, its kind time of the month. OMG I HATE LIFE. I'm like the ultimate grumpy cat. But I'm human, if I'm a cat I would earn millions, just like that cat.

Hippie

As you know, I'm currently 19 and still in college.

Which really sucks. 

Well congrats to you people who think college is the best 4 years of your life but for me college is kind of horrible. 

I live with my parents, who enforce serious curfews, live off the meager sum of allowance from my parents, I don't have a car nor many friends, which is kind of my fault.

Most of my spare time spent in college is due to me waiting for my dad to pick me up when he finishes work, and since I don't have a personal laptop, I would be hanging out in the library, which for whatever reason, smells like sweat and feet, doing my assignments on the public computers there, while trying to evade my neighbor from the next computer judging my music choices, or TV shows I am watching.

Recently have been really attracted to the hippie culture. Would actually REALLY LOVE doing something worthwhile and what I really want. Since I have been under my parents roof the whole time, literally everything I do is to please them. 

Spotify is a god send. Been listening to indie songs this whole week, which  for whatever reason, can really make me concentrate when I'm studying. It has this really laid back feel which is awesome for studying and yet it's upbeat enough to sing and dance to. Unlike headbanging rave music, which I DO in fact listen to, totally kills the study vibe and make me go crazy hyped up instead.

Loving Arctic Monkey, Lorde, Bastille, Vampire Weekend, and whatever artist that Spotify recommends me.

I'm still new to this entire genre of music, so haven't really went through many songs. BUT SHIT THIS GENRE IS AWESOME.

Also went and read hipster lifestyle blogs and heck would REALLY REALLY LOVE A LIFESTYLE LIKE THAT. As far as all the information I can garner, basically you just travel around, backpacking, wearing whatever shit you like, not bathing, smoking up, reading, dancing, campaigning for whatever that moves you, and go to festivals. WHO WOULDN'T WANT A LIFESTYLE LIKE THAT?

WOULD LOVE TO TRAVEL IN THIS!

Basically, its a legit reason to be as lazy as you want, and do anything you want. I honestly don't mind being crazy frugal and eating ketchup or mustard on fries for like a whole year. Being on a tight allowance your whole life trains you to be crazy frugal, and being Asian, with mad high metabolism rate, and eating Asian food my whole life, I would live on pizza and fries and burger my whole life and won't even mind. 

Heck hipster fashion is damn rad anyways. Flowered headbands are so gorgeous. And hipster girls are gorgeous too, they have this natural glow which makes them look like goddesses with the long skirt and 10,000 piercings and accessories that they wear.

So freakishly gorgeous. Would totally wear this if I had the money. Overalls ain't cheap where I live, I checked, its like 80 bucks here. 

And yea I'm pretty hipster, my fave coffee shop ain't Starbucks yo. 

And I use an Acer instead of a Mac. 

Peace :):)

Engineering

Hey well as you guys know I'm an Asian girl, studying Mechanical Engineering, practically fulfilling my parent's dreams and hopes for me.

Well, had kind of a wake up call today. Maybe I should quit all the horrible studying, and just take mass comm or journalism as a profession. True, it may pay less, it may be more tedious and saddening, especially when you get your pay check, compared to being an engineer, but hey it would be a more glamorous job, and more suited for me.

Honestly I just took engineering as my major as I am superbly good in science and mathematics. But maybe being good in something just isn't a reason enough to be doing it for the rest of your life. Just like Chandler Bing, he chose advertising even though he's too damn old for it and he's damn good as a transponder.

I don't want to become a Chandler Bing. Maybe in the 90's it was okay to change professions as it was before the age of the internet. Like heck there are some 6 years old who can play better piano then I can ever play in my entire life right now on the Internet and I cannot afford to start playing piano when I'm 30 and expect to be a pro just like they are. People would think I'm pathetic.

My parents, truth to be told, are extremely biased. When my brother was choosing a profession, he too chose to become an engineer, and he was somehow shot down by my dad, as dad didn't want him to take the same path as he did (my dad's an engineer too) cause it was a tedious job and soul killing I guess. Somehow, it was OKAY for me to choose to become an engineer instead when I was choosing a major, maybe because I'm a girl.

I hate being a girl.

I don't know.

Feelings are very conflicted lately. Had a huge talk with my BF. And things are horrible.

Hey you, if you ever find this post. You know who you are.

I like you. I really do. It's just sometimes, things that you do, makes me think that we will never be more than friends, no matter how much I wish differently.

I don't want to change you, nor change myself, nor do I want our friendship, or whatever we happen to be in, to end horribly or awkwardly, like how all my previous friendships and relationships all end.
Sure, people may say, change, is what keeps the relationship alive. But if you do change to suit me, it will forever feel like I forced you to change, and that, will eventually break us apart someday.

I appreciate every single tiny thing you did for me, I'm not blind. The fact that you would spend 80% of your day with me, doing whatever I feel like doing, occasionally be my very willing punching bag, makes me sad that I know you are keeping your hopes up.

You're not in the Friendzone. You know that. We are slightly more than friends. But somehow,  though we may be close, there would always be a tiny bit distance between us. Like you never telling me where you go at night, and me being all secretive and always doing my disappearing act.

I'm such a big hypocrite. I'm so sorry. After all, just being a girl.

Standing at the line between friendship and relationship, its really hard to take a step either way, so hey you can't blame me for wanting the quick way out of it.

Engineering or MassComm. Should I stay in my comfort zone, miserable but assured or should I take a risk, jumping into uncharted waters.

Toodles

Parents

Hey

So here's a post about how I'm barely alive living with my parents.

So I'm 19 this year and I'm in my second year of university. Naturally I'm living with my parents since I can't afford to live on my own.

"What do you mean?" people say, "Living with your parents is what that's KEEPING you alive"

True that. But its actually killing my soul inside.

I really love my parents, I really do. Who doesn't? Even orphaned kids often think of their parents, wondering who they may be, or even abusive parents or parents that abandon their kids, whose kids still would occasionally think what their parents would think of them, when they succeed in life and all that. I know, I've watched Annie.

But being Asian, I have typical Asian parents, who expects a daughter with straight A's, fluent in all languages, musically inclined, a good cook, independent and smart. Well, as a good and filial daughter I try my best in pleasing them, but somehow, they are never satisfied. Honestly, compared to my brother, I think I'm a major success, and that the Asian gene is strong in me; I score well in Maths, keep my grades up, I'm even studying to become an engineer, which heck that's so totally a typical Asian major.

Parents, they are never satisfied, score A's, they think you can do much better. I try being communicative with them and actually telling them about my life, but no, I get shoot down in every aspect, about how my behaviour in life in wrong. For example, I tell them how I am talkative in piano classes, and that the rest of my classmates don't talk that much, their immediate answer would be, why aren't you listening and paying attention in class, don't be talkative, and practise more piano.

Okay.

They are soul sapping aliens. SORRY MOM AND DAD, but yea, how do you guys expect me to have a life? If I do live up to your standards, I would be just a drone. Why don't you just go ahead and build your own perfect child if that's the case.

SO, being at home, I would just keep my silence and keep my head down. I think that's the cause for like 90% of my socializing problems. Thanks mom and dad. I'm a loner and have practically ZERO friends, but at least I have good grades right, that would so be totally useful in my future where I die alone in my mansion playing with all my cool games and gadgets whereas my ovaries shrivel and die.

See my point now. Maybe its just my family.

Oh anyway saw this video from Emma Blackery which kinda motivated me to write all these.

Oh and I watched Edge of Tomorrow today, and it was awesome. Awesome storyline, nothing hooks me like a good storyline. Though there were a few loopholes. Tom Cruise is still so handsome for his age, damn I want a husband like him that won't age, like when I'm 70 my husband would still be gorgeous looking like 20.

OOOOOOOOH when I earn my big bucks and have my mansion, I could totally afford a 20 year old husband when I'm 70. A REAL 20 year old, and not some 60 year old that only LOOKS like a 20 year old. YEEHAA am totally motivated to study now. My parents mean well.

Toodles

Shallow

It may be just me but I find people around me pretty shallow. Especially those who are like crazy popular, which I'm not, I'm the nerd hello I don't have much friends.

You may say, hey its just you hello if they're popular it means people like them and if people like them, they can't be shallow. Oh and since you're not popular anyway, you don't actually know them and maybe they're really awesome fun people inside. And why would anybody bother to be deep with you anyway, you're not important. Meh.

NO. I may sound really assholey and cocky in the following passages, but hey I'm just trying to make my point.

Let's look at some examples.

So, I've been stalking a couple popular kids at my school since well, they have crazy social media websites its so easy to stalk, and hey they're popular, its their life's dream to be stalked. Right, their replies to people are so BLEGH. Popular girls like to post their selfies, which heck I don't deny, they are crazy hot, but lets look at the comments shall we. So people would comment: " OMG XXX, YOU'RE SO PRETTY" and XXX would reply "People, THANK YOU, YOU TOO you're so gorgeous too." which okay is pretty normal, BUT EVERY SINGLE PICTURE THEY REPLY THAT, even though the person who commented literally looks like shit. Its like they're reading from a textbook: if person comment this, reply this.
So I stalked a few more, and all their replies pretty much mean the same thing. After going through a few pictures of them on Instagram, I could already predict their replies if somebody commented. I don't know why people even bother to comment anyway, said popular person would just reply from The Standard Popular People Replies textbook.

So, some popular kid at my high school started talking to me recently, since we use to be friends, but he got popular and kind of forgotten me, so he tweeted me, and gawd was it boring we were talking about universities, and colleges, and courses. Geez. Okay, he's the dude in this conversation, so he was leading it, I just responded accordingly. And maybe for some people its interesting to talk about college choices, but no, it really doesn't do anything for me. I don't think it would do anything for anyone, who would enjoy for example, in the middle of say, having intercourse, an in depth conversation about college choices, to turn them on, OKAY maybe those who work as college advisors.

Maybe its because I don't club, or smoke, or inhale drugs I guess, or maybe I'm not cool enough to be popular, since seriously, clubbing and smoking and all that shizz is what the popular kids all talk about, OOH and working out, I can't believe I forgotten that.

Another example, was FB messaging with some guy I just met, he's pretty popular, buff guy, a senior, clubs around with the popular girls, I guess he could be counted as popular, and so we chatted for like 5 minutes, and I already claimed I was sleepy and left the conversation. The entire conversation was about how he thought I was cute. It was just chock full of compliments, which sure I love compliments, but tideful of compliments just make me uncomfortable.

I think since they're popular they're used to girls throwing themselves at their feet. So with a few compliments, them girls would play straight into their hands. OR since popular guys only date popular girls, and majority of popular girls are insecure, just some compliments would make them totally fall in love and marry them and have their kids.

God is fair then. ugly people are smart and interesting as a survival instinct, whereas good looking and handsome people tend to not be very interesting, and a bit shallow. Natural selection, I guess. So, as being quite nerdy and smart, I guess I'm doomed to be ugly. But hey, at least in the future maybe, I would be earning big bucks, since I'm smart, so I could afford plastic surgery, and professional trainers and hairstylist, welp, there's hope there.

I'm so gonna ace sociology next semester. :) :) :P

Toodles

Birthday

Hey I'm back!

Yeap I've finished my finals and its a tragedy. Its been such a long time since I actually wrote anything I really miss writing all sorts of shit on all kinds of surfaces.

True now I'm on holiday but heck I'm busy. Since it was my birthday just 2 days ago I really really had to celebrate with friends.

I say that like I'm being dragged to celebrate, and yeap, I was totally dragged by my hair to celebrate  my birthday, cause honestly I don't get why birthdays need to be celebrated, like what's the big deal with popping out from my mom's womb that's not an accomplishment at all.

Although I say that, I am in fact truly thankful to my friends who actually remembered my birthday without the help of Facebook since my birthday ain't published there. So. Now I have to also remember all my friends birthday and remember to wish them. SEE ain't birthdays horrifying.

So day before my birthday went with the BF to some mamak for hookah, and he bought a slice of my favourite cake and when he came and fetch me, lighted it up in the car and sang. Damn that was sweet. He gave me a power bank too for my new phone.

So after that I went out again with friends for another round of hookah, and after that we went burger hunting. Which was cool, and extremely fattening.

Birthday itself was awesome too, had sushi for lunch, and after that dinner with the family and cake, and supper with friends and another round of hookah. Damn my lungs are so gonna wither and die.

So anyway, am watching Gossip Girl now, and yeap I know I'm outdated and all but I already finished all my Game of Thrones ( not really, I skipped a few episodes, but I read the book, so, that counts ) and I finished 10 seasons of Friends also. OOOH so am totally inspired by Dan to write more, so here goes.

Toodles for now

Its like 1:20 am in the morning, holidays totally screw up my internal clock time

OOOH and I've got a new phoneeee, so hello Twitter, I'm active again :)

Resolutions. Again.

Hey so sorry haven't posted anything in like forever.

Here's my excuses once again
(1) I'm a student hello, most of my time I spend on studying.
(2) My major is engineering. Which, I think speaks for itself in time consuming terms.
(3) I'm pretty lazy. Like to unbelievable standards.
(4) I have a boyfriend, which, consumes more time than studying
(5) Oh and I've just started a new TV series. Which has like 10 seasons, to replace the How I Met Your Mother hole in my heart.
(6) Hey swear I'm so busy I haven't even have time to catch up on Naruto.
(7) My parents practice child labour ( Nah, I'm kidding don't come with SWAT teams I love my parents, but in all seriousness they do in fact make me do ALL the housework, I mean whytf wont they get a maid )
(8) I'm lazy
(9) My brother started working, so all the dirty jobs in the house falls on me.
(10) My finals are in 4 days.

So 10 reasons there you go.

Right I had resolutions. So, totally plan to start working out after these finals, since heck I'm so out of shape I'm practically a random closed curve ( Calculus, bitch! ), so gonna blog about working out. Cause bragging about it is like the only way I'll stay motivated. Who doesn't like praise, see all the #30healthydays tags and all I've been seeing everywhere on Instagram.

Gonna practise more piano and pass this shit once and for all and wash my hands of it. Not that I hate playing piano, I just keep failing the exam.

Oh and blog more. Swear.

OOOOH  MA BIRTHDAYS COMING UP!

My parents swear to god chose the worst time to procreate, damnit it always falls on some important exam. 19 years of my life and the only time my birthday didn't fall on some exam was before I started kindergarten.

Toodles :)

Valentines y all

HEY

Usually I only update here to complaint and rant about stuff that doesn't satisfy me in life. Cause well. I'm a first world kid. No shit, I'm allergic to dust, and metal, which means I will never ever vacuum or clean the house in my entire life and I shall be wearing sterling silver or pure gold jewellery only. Because anything less than pure gold and I'll start itching.

I know right! I constantly amaze myself at how weak I am too!



Right. Valentines. Oh yeah didn't expected that right you guys. Betcha expected me to stay at home ALL BY MYSELF~ gorging on leftover CNY cookies and milk and complaining about life to my dog who I think hates me cause she's constantly running away from me and I only thought cats did that but nooooo. She's such a bitch. To think I spend like RM 80 to groom her fur and all when I don't even spend that kind of money in grooming myself. Love sucks, you give and don't receive.

OH YEA. VALENTINES. Anyway started of kind of bad as he was late by like an hour due to crazy jam which was true he ain't lying to get away from me, I saw the jam with my own eyes.

Went to every single restaurant but all of them had like mad queues to get in so we just settled to eat cheap char chan teng food, which heck wasn't romantic at all. I mean there was a gay couple in the table next to ours and because it was so packed they were literally one feet away from us I could reach out my hand and touch their food plus hearing other peoples conversation isn't that pleasant too.

BUT WHO CARES. Had fun anyway. And I byotch up his plans too he had this elaborate plan to go to various places after dinner but dinner itself already took 3 hours, plus driving time in the jam, I would say it was a 4 hour date. BUT heck it was fun, talked the entire time didn't even noticed time flying thus spent the entire night at the char chan teng eating ramen noodles and broccoli. Seriously. I wanted to eat ramen noodles so I ordered it for Valentines. This is how I roll yo.

I'm not that high maintenance after all. You just need to feed me ramen noodles. On a date. Didn't even order some fancy appetizer and stuff. Which damn he was paying, WHY DIDN'T I?

So, there was a handmade card involved too. AINT THAT SWEET. Handmade ya know. And it popped out. ARGH SO CUTE. He was like so embarrassed cause he said it was all pink and shizz and he wrote stuff in with a pencil. Okay. But still it made me go AW.

THATS ALL. Needed to record it down actually. There's another chapter to the story like how I got caught sneaking out by my mum and endured some heavy questioning, and she totally smelled me and said I smelled like beer and smoke. Which. Yea.
Oh and there's an extra guest at my house. Saw extra pair of shoes at my door. AND my brother's room is locked. *raise eyebrows *wink *raise eyebrows again at bro cause them shoes are a size 46 flip flops and they look like guy slippers.

Okay bro.

BYE! :)

Friends

Hey

Always had a problem spelling the word friends when I was a kid, always mixing up the E and the I. Always believed that because I couldn't spell it I ll be cursed to have to friends. (its a Chinese thing where when you scold people in insults, one of them would be like, "you asshole, don't you know how to write the word friends? " it means like you suck at being a friend and would often be used in arguments between friends).

So just read this article that appeared on my Facebook timeline. Its a Thought Catalogue article that writes about stuff girls do together. Kind of got me thinking who's actually my real friends and which group of friends would actually last.

See I had a bunch of tight knit friends in high school where we would do everything together like skipping a few classes to run to Starbucks for a coffee, stay back in school just to talk, lunch breaks spent on finding the best restaurants, and studying for tests together, well all these happen when we were poor students with no cars and no cool smart phones with just plenty of time on hand. Swear we would take a bus everywhere and we wouldn't find it a hassle.

But somehow now, I'm in college now and I'm not living in a dorm as its just college and its like 2 bus rides from my house. I ain't got any car, which means travelling around to visit friends is a problem, but heck I've got a cool phone now that can Whatsapp and all. Thing is, between friends, sooner or later, they'll stop texting each other because they'll think the other persons busy and don't want to be disturbing and in time, the memory of friendship fades and you will just forget each other and end up being just acquaintances.

That's effingly sad.

Which brings me to this. Which group of friends will actually last you a lifetime?

I've googled it and google says NONE.

Then what's the point in making friends as in the long run they're going to leave you and cause you tons of heartache?

Apparently, personality of people changes overtime as nobody can be together forever. Living proof see, you go to college or university or work and you'll have to leave your group of friends anyway and over time you lose them.
Eventually you'll get married and be swamped in a sea of baby diapers and all and won't have time for friends.

So after thinking long and hard I've came to a conclusion that you should find your best friends in your neighbours. Distance won't be a problem. And you'll always be forced to see them. And you can do any crazy stuff whenever you want, heck even if its 3am in the morning and it'll be okay. Your parents will know each other and won't give each other grief for coming home late of skipping curfew or drinking and all that.

Ain't it perfect.

College

Hey I'm back again.

Anyways, follow me on Dayre if you're interested in daily updates I guess. I have too much thoughts in my brain that seriously one blog ain't enough to contain them. Oh and like what I ranted, the blogger app sucks so difficult to use its just easier to open another blog and just crap there.

Well College. Should be a dream come true for most people that my parents actually pays for my college tuition fees fully and I myself don't even have to pay a damn cent. Which has it pros and cons see, I don't appreciate going to college now. Being totally truthful and honest to myself I rather drop out of college for a year or so and maybe have a job flipping burgers or selling shoes. Not that I don't want an education, just that I don't think I want to study right now. Because my sole motivation of going to college is the fact that I have to. Its such a chore.

The thought of going to college actually repulses me so much I rather go and flip burgers. Maybe my brain is going bonkers. But swear, the chore of waking up early in the morning, and typing out lab reports that I have no idea what they are actually about and figuring out what I'm supposed to do in lab, and homework, and hours and hours of endless classes which heck bore me like crazy at the end of the day I'm essentially brain dead as brain cannot process the huge amount of unknown info in my head invading like a frigging virus that by 6pm, all I can say is just ARGH, ERM, EHHH, BLAHH, and FUDGE. I've turned into a zombie.

Oh and the fact that I have totally limited amount of friends contribute too. But not much as my timetable is so full its impossible to make small talk anyways. And during class everybody is frigging quiet and taking notes and nobody ever talks its like the lecturer is sprouting gold nuggets from his mouth. Which in a sense, yea, gold nuggets of wisdom. Whatever.

Contemplating whether I should differ a year of college just to go flip some burgers and get my act together. See by just typing this blog post I have wasted 10 minutes I could use on studying some statics stuff. God, I'm so stressed right now. And it ain't even test season. Heck it ain't even quiz season. Maybe because my lecturer is freakishly scary. Swear that dude has tiniest eyes and a moustache and he kind of looks like them ancient Japanese Samurai that kill you in your sleep. Doesn't help that he's totally good in Maths. Am totally intimidated by people who are good in maths. I mean, who wouldn't does people are geniuses, they totally have the potential to become pedo serial killers.

Bye. Gonna go slave over lab reports and homework and what not.

On holiday today. My college finally did something right for the first time in its entire existence - giving out appropriate holidays.

I totally don't get why nobody likes me. I'm so freakishly fun and sporting. Sure, you may say that people who are truly fun and sporting would not come out directly and state that they are fun and sporty. Just like how psycho killers would never admit that they are in fact psycho killers. But hey, this blog is essentially what's going on in my brain and its not in any way psychotic and bitchy right? RIGHT?

Well. I've got a best friend who likes me and brings me out whenever he cans. I got that going for me I guess. And its really sweet that he lives like a 25 minute drive from my house plus there's a toll in that stretch of road, which he willingly pays. Aw. That proves I'm a really really fun sporty and interesting person right?

Quite a productive day so far. Went to the gym for the first time this year. Literally died on the treadmill after 15 minutes. How can people go to the gym for fun? And REGULARLY? What is wrong with these people are they automatons made out of steel and they sweat out hydrocarbons? Or are they just insecure about themselves until the point that they will drop dead when they stop going to the gym and see a mirror? But still, applause for them, good for you, but I'm never ever going to the gym again this month. Or until the weighing scale says I have to.

Ooooooh though going to the gym was quite of an ego boost. There was this bunch of teenage boys around the age of maybe 16? They look young anyways. And it feels effing awesome to be centre of their attention MUAHAHAH. It helps also if you happen to be the only female in the entire gym. Plus they asked me to help them take a photo. Which is kinda stupid who takes pictures in the gym? Unless you're so ripped from the gym session that you fell in love in yourself and need to document the moment. I mean, during gym time you're all sweaty and red in the face and wearing your workout clothes. Yea.

Going to the gym seriously sucks. Not going to go until I gain like 10kg and when my best friend absolutely hates me and can't stand to be around me as going to puncture his car tyres, then only would I grudgingly go. Its 2 more days till Chinese New Year and there's like a ton of cleaning to do in my house. Mainly my room seriously even though have started cleaning since December I still think if I look hard enough I ll find cockroach families somewhere. AND going to the gym makes my muscles ache like craaaaaaaaaazy so, SO gonna get scolded by my parents because lack of clean air in my room, due to me being unable to hold a broom because my arms feel like falling off.

CIAOS. HAPPY CNY! :D

Fireworks

To,

Them people that light up fireworks near my house, no, in fact, the road outside my house, which is a two-storey terrace house, and is tiny in size.

Hello.

Sure, Chinese New Year is in approximately 2 days away. And I am a Chinese too. And I don't mean to sound like a 70 year old woman who hates fun and hates kids and hates the world in general ( which I'm sure even a grumpy old woman who lives with 30 cats would also enjoy CNY cause its frigging awesome ) but seriously, ARE YOU STUPID TO PLAY FIREWORKS?

Let's ignore the obvious fact that it imposes a fire hazard so huge that Godzilla would be scared of it, seriously, how fun is it to see fireworks explode at the level of your house's windows, I mean, its not even pretty like that, the fireworks don't even get to spread out at all. Plus, you spent all that precious money to buy pretty fireworks to see them, of course you would want them to explode way way high above for other people in distant areas to see and appreciate your generosity and wealth and love for your kids. And, you don't even get bragging rights as nobody see's them ( fireworks are illegal in our country I think, or that's what my parents always told me when I requested for fireworks, plus fireworks here are shit expensive )
 
AND OMG THE NOISE. Do you think its fun for you to scare every single thing in the entire neighbourhood? It certainly doesn't earn you any brownie points with every single one of your neighbours. ITS A NEIGHBOURHOOD for gods sake the sound reverberates on every single house in the entire street. May you be prepared to die in your house as nobody would call the ambulance for you if you have say a stroke. ( okay that's mean I don't mean that ) AND what if there are old people around the neighbourhood, they may totally have a heart attack and you would go to hell as you have committed murder. Oh and every time you step out of the house, be prepared to be pelted by eggs and bitten by dogs, cause now my dog hates you too as you forced it to hide for around half an hour under the sofa, which I tried it before, is shit uncomfortable.

Oh yea, the fire hazard. YOU GUYS ARE BASTARDS. Do you want us all to die? I'm just 19 for gods sake. OMG or worse, ARE YOU TRYING TO BURN DOWN MY COMPUTER? AND ALL MY PRETTY CLOTHES? Cause if you do that swear I will save up enough money to buy my own fireworks and give you some firework display that you like so much every single day. Be warned I have a damn good aim. And I know which one is your window where you sleep.

Thank you.

Oh btw. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! GONG XI FA CAI WAN SI RU YI NIAN NIAN YOU YU! :D ITS THE BEST FESTIVAL OF THE ENTIRE YEAR. SO PROUD TO BE CHINESE :)

Yes I'm wishing you a Happy Chinese New Year too my inconsiderate and slightly slow but rich neighbour. May we all have good luck and prosperity. Yada Yada :)

BUAI! :D I'm seriously so festive I could burst out in Chinese new year songs and redness. Blood is red right.

Astrology

Its like MAGIC.

Never really believed in Astrology actually. Sure I'll read the Horoscope section if a newspaper comes my way but truth to be told stuff that is predicted by the newspaper never ever happen to me in real life. Or maybe it happened but I'm too dense to understand. Which I think that's most probably the case.

So today by chance I happened to Google Taurus celebs (which by the way I'm a Taurus) and lo and behold every single one of them that came out happened to be those that I seriously have a crush on. That I loved their sense of  style and that I love their character and yada yada.
Like Cory Monteith, that I totally crushed on for ages, and and Audrey Hepburn, which eff is the most perfect woman on this earth.
That means astrology is TRUE.

On that note, I shall go research more into this thing. If it really happens to be accurate, I'm going to predict fortunes. Or maybe just deliberately choose all my lucky days to go rob a bank.

ABRACADABRA.

Hey

So annoyingly jealous of them Korean actresses with their white fair skin and long lashes and doe eyes and straight nose GAH.
What's the thing about pretty people that you want to rip their face off and stick it onto your own? Or is it just me?

Kim Tae Hee. Gawd she's so perfect, even them eye bags under her eyes actually enhances her prettiness. Why is God so unfair. Seriously I would die for her skin.

Yoona. Duh. Slightly monolidded but still effingly gorgeous. Which how on earth is that possible.

Seriously take all my money but I want their skin, hair and nose. Oh and jawline too my jawline looks like it has been repeatedly punched by a sumo cause its so swollen.
I'm SO getting plastic surgery once I save enough for it.

BYE. Going to go die in front of the mirror by looking at myself.

HELLO

I know I should be in the Guinness Book of Records. Three posts in a day? Ohmaigawd Xian have you underwent surgery or something to cure your laziness?
Wow okay I know, its just been a really boring day, the most interesting thing that happened today was me starting a new season of NCIS: Los Angeles which I can't believe I haven't started watching before.

Need new TV series to start actually. Have been watching too much TV that I go through series so fast that I'm disappointed at the rate my Internet is loading, way too fast yo.

Right, just had a really sad dinner of Satay sticks with peanut sauce and half a grilled salmon slice and couple pieces of guava. Alone. Pretty sure my parents are torturing me like that. CAN'T WAIT TO JET OFF INTO THE SUNSET TO AMERICA. That sounded wrong I know. Oh and its literally the sunset see USA is in Malaysia's West. Unless the pilot flies the other way which is over Aussie and Japan, then its the sunrise. Erm wait USA time is earlier than Malaysian time in time zone difference, so, okay sunrise it is. Oh gawd I just bored you guys to death didn't I. Betcha all slumped over the keyboard now, drooling.

On the bright side I now know I can fit an entire piece of guava into my mouth. Without choking. Wanna date me? ;)

ARGH WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY CONSIDERATE FRIENDS WHO WILL DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO PUCHONG TO FETCH ME OUT. Gawd I actually think my parents deliberately moved to a faraway place to avoid us going out frequently. Cause Puchong honestly, staying here for nearly 10 years already, I find Puchong a freakishly boring place. Night life here sucks. And PARENTS WON'T GET US A CAR. Wanna feel how imprisonment is like? Come to my house, its exactly like a jail.

Okay brain vomiting. I better go back to NCIS i can feel em unsolved crimes calling to me. Maybe I should be a detective and be really cool and wear shades all the time and a trench coat and nobody can say I'm a poser.

*******

Okay got bored of NCIS. I have the attention span of a fly.

Gonna watch Korean dramas instead and get all sappy and sad and depressed and needy and sure I'm gonna end up forever alone and wish somebody likes me.

And end up fat too as been eating a lot of Chinese New Year cookies and nuts instead of ice cream ( There's an ice cream ban in my house, dad thinks they're unhealthy. I KNOW RIGHT, why can't they kill me already )
Which is OKAY as fat people always have awesome boobs. Which would be a nice change. Cause everybody that knows me in person would never relate the word boobs and me together. Sad I know. Maybe I should get a boob job when I get older. What a bimbo thought I just had. Whatever, guess my future children would be really thin as slice of silicon in my future boobs would block their food source.

*******

Am watching this Korean drama called My Princess and honestly Korean dramas feed you a ton of crap

#1 Gutsy girls who speak their mind and act really cute gets the guy

Soooooo not true hello if I went up to some guy in front of the girl he likes and claim that he is my boyfriend most probably I will get punched in my pretty face. ( Okay you may not get this but what happened was the main character in the drama went ahead to this guy and gave him some relationship advice by telling him he should make the girl he likes jealous, so she went ahead and told the girl that she's his girlfriend )
And all the cuteness honestly if it is in the real world, the girl would be either
(A) punched in the face by every girl in the world cause she's stealing all the dudes in this world
(B) be gang raped cause she's cute AND pretty
Oh and the speaking their mind thing? Well its a miracle she hasn't been killed by everybody she knows because honesty makes other people hate you. True fact.

#2 Fate is how you will meet your husband

Seriously, if you meet this guy more than once in a day or once in a week, chances are that dude is going to be your future husband. Who cares if he's a jerk or looks extremely ugly? He's going to change his entire being in the end just for you. ( See Boys Over Flowers )

#3 The guy you've been crushing on since forever? Well he's a jerk, and the guy that you totally hate the most and is your arch-enemy? Well, that's your future husband

EVERY SINGLE KOREAN DRAMA I WATCH. SERIOUSLY? Or is it that I have bad taste in choosing the dramas?

#4 Some sort of accident will happen that cause you to find your true love with the ugly/jerk/rich dude that you hate so much and you guys will go through some hardships usually parents/lifestyle/friends

I think I had this rant before but yeap there's a ginormous cliché in Korean dramas.
AND YESH I still enjoy wasting all my time watching them okay. I'm a romantic girly girl okay. I like to watch Titanic and cry into my Chinese New Year cookies and milk.

Ciaos

TV

Hey I know I don't update here much, but usually I don't have much to talk about unless I have a sudden epiphany like, then I feel strongly about some things then I ll start to rant here.

Okay that makes me a totally unreliable source so feel free to click away.
But honestly, hardly anything interesting happens in my day to day life. I'm a hardcore Taurus girl who kinda enjoys staying at home to going out, and my parents are totally Asian and overprotective so I don't have much need to do anything at all. So typically, what can I write about?

So just had an epiphany. What the heck am I doing with my life right now?

Let's back up a bit. Today was a public holiday ( I KNOW RIGHT WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY COUNTRY, HOW ARE WE EVEN PRODUCTIVE ) and I woke up from my nap at like 7 pm with the sudden realisation that I'm doing nothing with my life ( And the strong suspicion I'm sleeping my life away )

Then I kind of look back at what I've been doing today and honestly, if my computer crashed, I would be utterly and totally lifeless.

Kind pathetic that my life has to depend on the longevity of my computer.

But then, the internet always make me feel better see, went and did a Google search on "what am I doing with my life?" and got like 1.3 billion hits. Feels awesome to see everybody also feeling like shit.

And honestly reading other people's problems, I feel like I'm totally perfect since I don't masturbate every single day, I'm not stuck in some boring 9 to 5 job ( at least not yet ), buying 10 tubs of Ben and Jerry ice cream and chips, and, or a prostitute.

This doesn't relate to anything, just found it funny so stuck it here hahaha.

But somehow, see, I'm 19 years old and I already have this problem that I feel totally useless. Maybe because the fact that I don't have a car, maybe because I have the strictest and meanest parents ever, maybe I'm a Taurus. Gawd I hate my life now. The unproductivity in my life is waaaay toooo high.

At least I'm not alone though, thousands of people out there are addicted to Netflix too. 

I think its a legit addiction.

They should legalize weed and ban this instead no shit.

This is more dangerous and time consuming than weed.

Which in my case, as a multilingual individual, internet TV is a honestly time sucking evil sprit that steals all your time and then you die with your tombstone saying " Here lies Xian. Watched 3 seasons of Game of Thrones in a day. May she rest in peace."

Okay I have more problems than Internet addiction but let's end it at that. The rant about the sucky parenting of my parents that thinks they did a good job raising us would need an entire separate page with maybe 40 post to get out of my system.

No shit.

Okay my GIFs don't make sense but whatever. Only stuck a couple GIFs here because swear too many words are boring. Like a textbook.

Ciaos

Cold Hard Cash

is freakishly hard to come by

Am honestly a little tight on money right now. And quoting the wise words of Becky Bloomwood's dad, Graham Bloomwood, from Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella, I have to either CB or MMM. Which is acronyms for Cut Back and Make More Money.

So have been Cutting Back for ages now and it ain't working yo. Sure, it has benefits like you get really slim and thin and all that extra fat around your tummy is digested to glucose for you to survive. But still, the money ain't enough and I have to become really thick faced to ask my parents for extra dough. Which is frigging annoying as they'll start asking multiple questions ex:
WHY DO YOU NEED SO MUCH MONEY?
WHERE YOU SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY ON?
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING?
YOU THINK MONEY GROW ON TREES AH?
I'M NOT YOUR ATM YOU KNOW

Yeap
And after all that interrogation, they just fork out half of what you originally requested.

Parents right.

So am resolving now to method #2 for the moneh. Went searching for some freelance jobs but no shit, freelance jobs are kind of even worse than full time jobs. Somehow they expect you to write like 5 articles per day. And I can't even finish my homework in time due to the extreme amount of laziness residing in me. So totally not my fault.

THEREFORE, I'm putting ads on this blog to obtain any meager sum of money the ad companies offer me. Im just so desperate for cash you know. Its like finally seeing the oasis after 5 years in the Sahara Desert. Which, though little, is better than none ( since they re gonna be my future boss may as well suck up abit now heh ) SORRY. I NEED MONEY. And since I write on this every other day, may as well. FEEL FREE TO CLICK ON THE ADS! :D

Oh and. GAWD ADS ARE DIFFICULT TO PUT ON THIS BLOG. HTML is so confusing. I rather learn German.

New Year Resolutions

HEY I AM SO LATE ON THIS ITS ALREADY THE 5th OF JANUARY BUT SERIOUSLY MEANS I TOTALLY HAVE THE INTENTION ON CHANGING MY LIFE SEE IT HAS BEEN 5 DAYS AND IM STILL DEDICATED TO WRITING RESOLUTIONS

#1 WORKOUT
Can't stress this enough have been wanting to workout since forever but IN MY DEFENCE this is the first year working out made the cut to be in my New Year's resolution list. Well I am kinda flabby around the stomach I hate the end of puberty. Honestly when I was in my childhood and teens god I could stuff my face with just about anything and still stay thin like a frigging stick now I eat an apple and I gain 10kg.

 

#2 STOP CALLING HIM ANY MORE AND STOP OBSESSIVELY STALK HIS LAST SEENS ON WHATSAPP OR FACEBOOK OR TWITTER

Well. This speaks for itself. Im an overly attached crazy bitch. HEH.

MOVE ON ALREADY GAWD

#3 MOISTURISE MORE

YEAP. I get into lots of dry patches when I don't moisturise. Literally. Actually, taking into account that I live in Malaysia where it is hot and humid all year long there's not much logic in moisturising but there you are I have frigging sensitive skin. Fuck me right. Oh and moisturising makes me smell so nice. Usually after I moisturise I try to walk pass people as close as possible and as many times possible till people give me funny looks. WHUT. I smell nice okay.

#4 MAKE MORE FRIENDS

#5 KILL MY PARENTS

Nah JK. Just kinda wanna stop arguing with them. It really kills my vibe every time I argue with them and nothing good comes out of it other than me getting the opportunity to scream.

#6 BE RICH

Yeap I just put this in for good fortune. I mean, usually you don't actually fulfil all your new year resolutions but you do in fact accomplish some of them, right? So, LETS HOPE THIS YEAR ITS THIS ONE.

#7 GET A BETTER PHONE

Gawd even Palaeolithic men used smoke signals. Mine has no signal. NOKIA. GAH.

Thinking of changing to the Blackberry Q5 actually. That thing comes in RED and is too frigging cute to say no to. EVEN THOUGH it has totally no cool Apps and Games whatsoever that's why I have a Tablet PC.

#8 GET ACCEPTED INTO COLLEGE

#9 OH AND WRITE MORE IN THIS BLOG THING. 

 

Okay found this it is so cute sorry meme overload heh

CIAOS!