I don't even know what to say. 

I'm anxious cause I feel rejected.

I don't know how to feel less rejected. Apparently, I have to accept it. 

So here. He said he doesn't want to talk. That there's nothing to talk about because I broke up with him. 

He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't care about the relationship the way that you think he does. 

Respect that he doesn't want to talk, and that me trying to force it is just me trying to make myself feel better.

It's over. He never wants to be with someone that threatens the relationship. Girl you done fucked up. 

It is the feeling of rejection. Whenever I think of him not wanting to see me, the anxiety comes back. I think it's really detrimental to see him now especially. 

You are single now. 

Life is going to be perilous here. You are going to feel lonely. You will miss your friends and family. Focus on your career, focus on the friendships that you want to cultivate, focus on hobbies, skills, the apartment, fitness and being as present as possible with family.

There are still a couple months of summer left. Go out, work on running again. 

My heart is heavy today. I don't really know how I feel to be perfectly honest.

I am a little hurt that he didn't bother to text or talk to me. Then again, I am not surprised. 

Am I okay never talking to him again? I don't think so. I don't think I can stand not seeing or talking to him again. But I'm going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

He didn't bother to listen to you. 

He didn't bother to check in on you the entire time you were on vacation. 

He didn't bother to check in on you the entire time his family was here.

All he thought about was Ada. Ada's mom.

He wouldn't make the effort to get rid of her things when you asked him to.

That's not your responsibility. You don't need to feel any responsibility to make him feel better.

He would nit pick on the smallest things about you. Make you feel more and more insecure, make you think that there's something wrong with you. Tell you that your anxiety was invalid, that your feelings are invalid.

He would tell you that you interrupted him and he would lose his temper at you.

He would lose his temper at you for no reason.

He wouldn't support you. Never helped you with things around the house. Never gave you the confidence you needed. 

Made you feel so small.

He didn't tell you that he loved you. 

He doesn't love you. 

He would never chase you down.

He told you that he would never chase you down.

That I wasn't worth it.

He didn't even care that you left. 

He never did. 

He never told you the stuff that plagues him. 

He is not your partner. 

He is not somebody you want to spend your life with. Somebody that doesn't share with you their hopes and dreams and problems.

And I'm worth more than that. 

 I guess it's over.

I don't have to deal with the ghost of Ada anymore.

I don't have to deal with the tantrums and the moodiness and the feeling of inadequacy and not feeling loved anymore.

I don't know why I bother to try to get closure. I guess I'll never need to get that.

I really thought this was different. I guess it's not. 

And I really tried this time. I don't think it's me. I think I did well this time. I'm actually really proud of myself. 

And yes there's still care and love but. That will go away in time. Eventually you won't even think about him anymore. 

He doesn't want to talk to you. You know you're going to be better without him. So just leave. You don't have to say anything more. Just leave.