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Showing posts from November, 2017
I wish I had the liberty to choose whatever that I want to learn rather than having to stick to a certain curriculum or syllabus. Yet, such is the state of the economy where everybody is capitalistic and selfish. Hence, why I'm somewhat being forced to go through educational programs that suck the money and soul out of a me. Sigh what a pity.
Hi

I just feel annoyingly jealous of people that have it more together than me. I admire them, wish I could be them, hope to befriend them, yet it makes me disappointed to no end that I can never be like them.

They had a head start in life. One that I will never have. They had the privilege of growing up here in the United States, where they are able to go to schools with programs that are so advanced that I've never heard of in my life, learn stuff that I never had the opportunity to learn growing up, have the support of their families. They also pay a small fraction of the fees that I am paying to attend college.

I know. Many people have it much more worse than I do. Yet, I'm supposed to compete with these superior people in the job market? Where everything is stacked against me. I talked to them, learnt their stories, they started out small, and from there they slowly build their resume and skills till they are where they are now. But how am I suppose to compete when the law doesn't allow me to start out small, doesn't allow me to be employed by small companies? How am I suppose to learn?

I am also facing the huge dilemma that I don't know what I am suppose to do with my life. I'm unsure as to what path I should go, what career should I built. Why should I spend endless hours of my life trying and failing to build something that I am not even sure I should be doing?

Thus, this is my sad sad life. I will come to accept this fate of mine where my odds are forever stacked against me, and I don't have the willpower nor the ability to work my way out of these odds.

Mama always say to surround yourself with people that are much smarter than you, she didn't know that that would make you feel so so small. Much easier to fill the room with people that are worse off and feel much better about yourself.