Someday I love

 Someday I'll love you Yi Xian

Someday you'll look at yourself and see the beauty that you can't see

That you're more than just what you see in the mirror

That each blemish and line on your hands tells the journey that you've been on.

That the world is ending so that you can begin. 

That the words that you hear are not who you are and that every day it feels like you're skating uphill and that your legs don't work as fast as you want to, and that they hurt and all you want to do is to stop. 

I started writing this as way to give myself hope. 

And I'm yet again, falling into the despair that my brain created for me. 

That every morning you've succeeded in getting out of bed. 

That every morning you wake up, you get your ass into the bathroom, you brush your teeth and stare at yourself, hating every feature, every blemish, every eyebrow hair that you see. 

I don't think I should write this today. 

I don't think I have the hope that I thought I would. 

Cause all I can think about is how much I hate myself. 

Maybe someday I'll love you Yi Xian, but today is not the day.