Engineering
Hey well as you guys know I'm an Asian girl, studying Mechanical Engineering, practically fulfilling my parent's dreams and hopes for me.
Well, had kind of a wake up call today. Maybe I should quit all the horrible studying, and just take mass comm or journalism as a profession. True, it may pay less, it may be more tedious and saddening, especially when you get your pay check, compared to being an engineer, but hey it would be a more glamorous job, and more suited for me.
Honestly I just took engineering as my major as I am superbly good in science and mathematics. But maybe being good in something just isn't a reason enough to be doing it for the rest of your life. Just like Chandler Bing, he chose advertising even though he's too damn old for it and he's damn good as a transponder.
I don't want to become a Chandler Bing. Maybe in the 90's it was okay to change professions as it was before the age of the internet. Like heck there are some 6 years old who can play better piano then I can ever play in my entire life right now on the Internet and I cannot afford to start playing piano when I'm 30 and expect to be a pro just like they are. People would think I'm pathetic.
My parents, truth to be told, are extremely biased. When my brother was choosing a profession, he too chose to become an engineer, and he was somehow shot down by my dad, as dad didn't want him to take the same path as he did (my dad's an engineer too) cause it was a tedious job and soul killing I guess. Somehow, it was OKAY for me to choose to become an engineer instead when I was choosing a major, maybe because I'm a girl.
I hate being a girl.
I don't know.
Feelings are very conflicted lately. Had a huge talk with my BF. And things are horrible.
Hey you, if you ever find this post. You know who you are.
I like you. I really do. It's just sometimes, things that you do, makes me think that we will never be more than friends, no matter how much I wish differently.
I don't want to change you, nor change myself, nor do I want our friendship, or whatever we happen to be in, to end horribly or awkwardly, like how all my previous friendships and relationships all end.
Sure, people may say, change, is what keeps the relationship alive. But if you do change to suit me, it will forever feel like I forced you to change, and that, will eventually break us apart someday.
I appreciate every single tiny thing you did for me, I'm not blind. The fact that you would spend 80% of your day with me, doing whatever I feel like doing, occasionally be my very willing punching bag, makes me sad that I know you are keeping your hopes up.
You're not in the Friendzone. You know that. We are slightly more than friends. But somehow, though we may be close, there would always be a tiny bit distance between us. Like you never telling me where you go at night, and me being all secretive and always doing my disappearing act.
I'm such a big hypocrite. I'm so sorry. After all, just being a girl.
Standing at the line between friendship and relationship, its really hard to take a step either way, so hey you can't blame me for wanting the quick way out of it.
Engineering or MassComm. Should I stay in my comfort zone, miserable but assured or should I take a risk, jumping into uncharted waters.
Toodles
Well, had kind of a wake up call today. Maybe I should quit all the horrible studying, and just take mass comm or journalism as a profession. True, it may pay less, it may be more tedious and saddening, especially when you get your pay check, compared to being an engineer, but hey it would be a more glamorous job, and more suited for me.
Honestly I just took engineering as my major as I am superbly good in science and mathematics. But maybe being good in something just isn't a reason enough to be doing it for the rest of your life. Just like Chandler Bing, he chose advertising even though he's too damn old for it and he's damn good as a transponder.
I don't want to become a Chandler Bing. Maybe in the 90's it was okay to change professions as it was before the age of the internet. Like heck there are some 6 years old who can play better piano then I can ever play in my entire life right now on the Internet and I cannot afford to start playing piano when I'm 30 and expect to be a pro just like they are. People would think I'm pathetic.
My parents, truth to be told, are extremely biased. When my brother was choosing a profession, he too chose to become an engineer, and he was somehow shot down by my dad, as dad didn't want him to take the same path as he did (my dad's an engineer too) cause it was a tedious job and soul killing I guess. Somehow, it was OKAY for me to choose to become an engineer instead when I was choosing a major, maybe because I'm a girl.
I hate being a girl.
I don't know.
Feelings are very conflicted lately. Had a huge talk with my BF. And things are horrible.
Hey you, if you ever find this post. You know who you are.
I like you. I really do. It's just sometimes, things that you do, makes me think that we will never be more than friends, no matter how much I wish differently.
I don't want to change you, nor change myself, nor do I want our friendship, or whatever we happen to be in, to end horribly or awkwardly, like how all my previous friendships and relationships all end.
Sure, people may say, change, is what keeps the relationship alive. But if you do change to suit me, it will forever feel like I forced you to change, and that, will eventually break us apart someday.
I appreciate every single tiny thing you did for me, I'm not blind. The fact that you would spend 80% of your day with me, doing whatever I feel like doing, occasionally be my very willing punching bag, makes me sad that I know you are keeping your hopes up.
You're not in the Friendzone. You know that. We are slightly more than friends. But somehow, though we may be close, there would always be a tiny bit distance between us. Like you never telling me where you go at night, and me being all secretive and always doing my disappearing act.
I'm such a big hypocrite. I'm so sorry. After all, just being a girl.
Standing at the line between friendship and relationship, its really hard to take a step either way, so hey you can't blame me for wanting the quick way out of it.
Engineering or MassComm. Should I stay in my comfort zone, miserable but assured or should I take a risk, jumping into uncharted waters.
Toodles
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