Organization

 I think I have struggled with organization my whole life. I have dreamt up big dreams on what I want my life to be and what my life to look like and then totally give up on it 2 days later. I think I have also went through a period of not knowing what I wanted my life to look like. Perhaps it comes from not knowing myself well enough. I think I have not been able to be inspired about my life or just the pure inability to execute. 

I am in Turkey right now, in the Istanbul airport. I think I like to start off a lot of my journal by noticing just things around me. It is 8:17am in New York but 4:17pm in Istanbul. I am at the IGA lounge. An amazing lounge, and I feel like one of the only things that might make having a Priority Pass worth it. The lounges in the states are absolutely horrendous in comparison. 

At any rate, I have been diagnosed with ADHD, the primarily inattentive type. This is a little crazy but I'm now consistently on Strattera, which is a SNRI. And. My room is clean for once. I am thinking about doing a declutter of my life and I actually think I can do it. I want to start setting goals and achieving them, the small ones and not needing a HUGE URGENT THING to do anything. 

I want to be able to train for a marathon without needing to have a marathon NEXT WEEK.

I am still struggling a little. I think there is a lot of soul searching that I have to do. I think for a long time, in Seattle, I didn't feel like I have anybody that had qualities that I respect or look up to. But New York makes me feel like anything is possible. People are just impressive here. And it makes me want to be impressive too. 

It's nearly the end of the year. And I think I want to sit back and reflect on it a little. I think I want to have a habit of consistently journaling and perhaps this is the medium to do it. I think writing might still be the safest and the one I can keep accountable the most but I definitely prefer typing things out. I am surprised that generation these days even need to learn how to write things down. Is it even necessary? 

Okay, so, I think the goal of the next month is to figure out systems that work for me. Habit forming and value creation. I'm going to try to cut down the things that I commit to and focus on a few things that make me happy and motivated.