-

 Hey I'm writing again cause this helps me.

My heart is again, heavy today. I am very very lonely. It's been a very long time since I've been this lonely.

I think I need an exercise in gratitude. 

I have a place to live in. I can afford stupid mistakes, albeit barely scraping by, but at least there's that. I can afford to make those kinds of mistakes and I shouldn't beat myself up over them. I made the best decision that I could given the circumstances and the mental headspace that I've been in.

I can afford the medical treatment that I need and require. 

I have friends that will take time out of their day to call me and check in on me. They love me and I love them. 

I have family, even though they are far away, they support me or try their best to support me. 

I have my health. Nothing hurts and everything works. 

I have my looks. I'm not disfigured and I look decent. I'm a normal weight and young. 

I still have my youth. I have time on my hands.

I should be grateful. Life is good. 

I am grateful. Life is good. 

I own this beautiful house of mine. It's mine. 

I have the luxury of travelling and seeing people that are important to me. 

And things will be good. Things will be good. It's a beautiful sunny day. 

I can listen to music and it's beautiful. There's art and beauty in my life. 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Grandma

-
I always intend to spend more time with my grandma. She is just the cutest thing. I could describe her but she wouldn't be happy about it. She hates being old, the wrinkles, the liver spots, the being slow, the white hair. She doesn't like us paying any attention to all that. But she loves us so. Every time I go to her house, she would try, oh so very hard, to give us money. I'll be like "No, popo, I have enough spending money, spend that money on yourself!" And she'll respond with "I'm so old, I don't need so much money, I get money from interest in the bank." She always thinks she's a bother, she walks really slow so she always feel like when she's out with us she slows us down. My Popo is one of the strongest and most incredible woman I know. She got married when she was 16. And her husband died when her youngest child of six was three. And she single-handedly raised all of them. She washed clothes for people, she sta
Read more
-
Justin, I miss you so much. In good and bad ways. I miss telling you about my day and complaining about various scenarios while you listen and nod your head. I don't have anybody to talk about my day no more. Nobody cares. I miss sitting on the couch with you in our beautiful apartment. The one we made into our home. Our idiotic fish, our insanely intelligent and cowardly dog, the statement wall, the kitchen with all the plants, and of course our absent roommate. I miss cuddling in bed, feeling warm and wanted and loved. I was thinking about the one time you had jury duty, and you picked me up at Holos to have lunch with you at Willy Street. It's weird that whenever I spend time with you, I get into this floaty state, where reality isn't real anymore. I also think of you. I saw a picture of Jeanette today since it's Allison's birthday, and all I could think of was you wanting to date her. She looked hot. I felt a pang of hate towards you again. I was thinkin
Read more
-
 Back at it again. Was looking through a list of free hobbies and some of those things on there are outrageous. Things like knitting and crocheting, reading, drawing, gardening Do these people even know how much these hobbies can cost? I knit and crochet pretty frequently. Sure, needles are pretty cheap, and they are a one time purchase. That'll run you, perhaps $30 to $40 for a full set. But yarn, yarn is fucking expensive. I spent over $100 bucks on yarn just to create a blanket. And it was one of those granny square crochet along blanket, just to learn how to crochet. Bitch, yarn is expensive. Especially when you want to create more elaborate designs, you'll have to buy like 50 colors. And it clutters the fuck out of your space. Cause most projects take like half a ball of yarn, and you're always left with weird colors, texture and weights of yarn that you bought specifically for a project and now you're stuck with it forever.  Reading. Sure, you can borrow books fro
Read more