Feelings #3

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 What do I want out of the relationship, what I do want out you, what I want out of me, what I think you want out of me. 

Frankly, just a friend that I would fuck. I want somebody that talks to me about problems and shares his life with me

 

Do you still want to work on this? I get the vibe that you don't want to anymore but you are also receptive to talking to me and I know you love me but based on the last month or so, I feel as though nothing will change on your end, it feels as though you don't want to work on this anymore and if that's the case, I think we can call it quits.

 

I also feel as though it's hard to bring this up because I feel as though he's sensitive about it. 

I need you to be able to listen to me. To not get that frustrated and annoyed. I know you are running out of steam and let's work on helping you with that, but I need that from you. To listen to me and reassure me and not lose your patience. 

I need you to be less annoyed at stuff. It sucks that I feel so anxious hanging out with people. I'm so guarded of my words, so guarded of being vulnerable to people. I want you to be there and at the same time I don't, I don't know what to do anymore, and I want to talk to you about things and you are unable to talk about things? 

accommodating differences. I don't ever think you are accommodating my differences.

Maybe we need to be WAY less sensitive of each other's differences.

How are you feeling is your best?

 

Why do I feel that much better that he replied that he's willing to talk? 

Why do I feel like I don't want to be with him anymore because of that? What the fuck is wrong with me? 


We have insecurities. We need to be better about talking about it. I am telling you that these are the things that I am hoping that you do, and I think you want to make me feel better. I don't feel like you're pulling your weight in communicating with me. You run out of bandwidth a lot and you get butthurt when I call you out on things. The frustration on my side is that I don't think you're pulling your weight. I am opening your door and trying to understand you better, understand your feelings and my feelings and you are telling me that you are running out of bandwidth all the time. I can't stay for "I don't know" anymore. I feel like I'm waiting for you to figure out your own shit and I can't wait around for that anymore. In the process of waiting for you to figure it out, that I get hurt? I know its unintentional but how is it fair that I get hurt in the process. I need you to say "I don't know but I want you to be willing for me to stay and figure it out and help you with it" but it feels as though you are pushing me away constantly.

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