On growing old.

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 I think after some time, I naturally come back here to dump my thoughts. 

I am closer to 30 than I ever have been. Then again, is there ever a day where I am less close to 30? maybe in my 40s? Where it's more aligned with how time flows? 

I think I'm at the point in life where I am starting to realize that time has seemingly been a waste for me. I have had spent a lot of time being unfocused, having multiple parallel things running. Maybe it's because I don't show my work. Maybe it's because I don't seem to like anything pass a certain stage, where I feel like I have mastered it, or that I'm good enough, or if I have hit a wall and in turn, cease to want to chase that dopamine.

I look across my apartment and see the graveyard of hobbies. Running shoes to indicate a period of time where I wanted to run a marathon. Plants everywhere during the time that I wanted to be a professional plant propagator, and then coming to Seattle and finding out that people are crazy about their hobbies here. All the books that I have bought on a whim. 

At the end of the day, I would rather have tried something and not succeed than to not even try it at all. 

Another sad thing is that trying things takes up time and money. Resources that are scarce and likely will not go hand in hand. 

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