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 What do I talk about in therapy 4/24/2024. What a bad date. 

I think I need to work on my anxious-attachment style. Need to work on feeling loved by people. Work on not feeling lonely. Need help with this break up and help looking to the future. 

I think when I was in a relationship, I felt lonely a lot. I don't know if it was my expectations that were high in a relationship.

I think I have PTSD from various situations that happened while I was in that relationship. There are certain music and certain situations that literally shoot fear down my spine. Being accused of cheating when I am not. Sometimes I'm even scared to write down my thoughts, or text somebody anything for fear that he will read it. I am scared to hang out with certain people for fear he would get upset. I am scared of telling my friends things that I think. Fuck me. 

I need to find the motivation to get out of my current situation. My emotions have been all over the place. But now I need to learn to calm myself down and start working on my career. Struggle with concentrating on single tasks. 

Dealing with rejection. 

There is a slight disconnect between sessions at therapy. 

 

 ~ After therapy ~

I think we talked about one of the goals being identifying secure relationships and people that I can confide in and people that I can have as part of my village. Learning to be more vulnerable. I do jump into problem solving mode too much and too soon, maybe I feel terrible cause I just never learn to deal with my emotions. 

 One thing I kind of took away was that with Jaime, I most likely didn't feel secure enough to be vulnerable as he tends to run away and or erupt into a fight. And I felt like I was telling him and baring my soul just for him to dismiss that entirely. I think he triggered me to be way more anxious than I actually was as a person. 

Talked about why we broke up and how much I still love him and that it sucks so much to know that I can love a person but know that we won't work. 

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