Day 2

-
I hate you more today.

Again, I see you in everything around me.

I keep imagining some girl, hotter than me, the same race as me, big tits and all bouncing on your cock.

I keep imagining some girl going down on you and you doing the thing you do when it gets good.

I have more scenarios in my head where you do increasingly unspeakable things. 

I hate you.

You've hurt me so much throughout the time we dated. There's so much resentment that I have towards you. I wished we never met. 

I almost feel as though I should go out and hurt you the way you've hurt me to make me feel better, to make me feel in control again. 

I hate you.


I keyed in the passcode to your phone into my phone today. Stupid muscle memory.

Took a late night walk by the beach with Sandy. It was lovely. Made me think of you in a kind of different way. I was thinking it would be great that it was you instead of Sandhiya, we would make jokes and I'll talk way too much about myself. We'll live in one of these apartments near the lake. And I thought about the future we've always talked about.

But I also really enjoyed walking with Sandy. It was something that I wouldn't be doing had you been here. Had I stayed with you. I was pushing myself to do more and I was proud of myself.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Grandma

-
I always intend to spend more time with my grandma. She is just the cutest thing. I could describe her but she wouldn't be happy about it. She hates being old, the wrinkles, the liver spots, the being slow, the white hair. She doesn't like us paying any attention to all that. But she loves us so. Every time I go to her house, she would try, oh so very hard, to give us money. I'll be like "No, popo, I have enough spending money, spend that money on yourself!" And she'll respond with "I'm so old, I don't need so much money, I get money from interest in the bank." She always thinks she's a bother, she walks really slow so she always feel like when she's out with us she slows us down. My Popo is one of the strongest and most incredible woman I know. She got married when she was 16. And her husband died when her youngest child of six was three. And she single-handedly raised all of them. She washed clothes for people, she sta
Read more
-
 Back at it again. Was looking through a list of free hobbies and some of those things on there are outrageous. Things like knitting and crocheting, reading, drawing, gardening Do these people even know how much these hobbies can cost? I knit and crochet pretty frequently. Sure, needles are pretty cheap, and they are a one time purchase. That'll run you, perhaps $30 to $40 for a full set. But yarn, yarn is fucking expensive. I spent over $100 bucks on yarn just to create a blanket. And it was one of those granny square crochet along blanket, just to learn how to crochet. Bitch, yarn is expensive. Especially when you want to create more elaborate designs, you'll have to buy like 50 colors. And it clutters the fuck out of your space. Cause most projects take like half a ball of yarn, and you're always left with weird colors, texture and weights of yarn that you bought specifically for a project and now you're stuck with it forever.  Reading. Sure, you can borrow books fro
Read more
-
Justin, I miss you so much. In good and bad ways. I miss telling you about my day and complaining about various scenarios while you listen and nod your head. I don't have anybody to talk about my day no more. Nobody cares. I miss sitting on the couch with you in our beautiful apartment. The one we made into our home. Our idiotic fish, our insanely intelligent and cowardly dog, the statement wall, the kitchen with all the plants, and of course our absent roommate. I miss cuddling in bed, feeling warm and wanted and loved. I was thinking about the one time you had jury duty, and you picked me up at Holos to have lunch with you at Willy Street. It's weird that whenever I spend time with you, I get into this floaty state, where reality isn't real anymore. I also think of you. I saw a picture of Jeanette today since it's Allison's birthday, and all I could think of was you wanting to date her. She looked hot. I felt a pang of hate towards you again. I was thinkin
Read more