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Thought I would write a bit. I haven't been in the best place.

I broke it off with Justin. He refuses to let go, which makes things so much more complicated since he's always an option for me. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt anybody other than myself. I can't deal with that.

Went to a therapist today. She suggested that I try medication. I don't know if I should. On the one hand, it's less work for me. It's a magic pill that'll make me a happier person, a functional member of society, on the other, who am I without it? What is my identity without it?

I talked about killing myself. I don't think I've ever talked about it. But Justin, it has to do with you.

Do you know I still put you down as my emergency contact? It's as though I can't believe you're out of my life. I KNOW I need you out of my life. I depend on you and I should not. You're not responsible for my life. And I hate the fact that I don't think I can live without you. You're so toxic to me.

Do you know how nice the piece of glass feels against my skin? For the longest time, it was the only thing I was in control of. I hate you, you've put me in that situation. And after countless times of talking to you, I still feel dead inside. I hate you. I love you. The pain felt good, it indicated that I was alive. And I haven't felt that way for a long time. In fact, after this, I'm going to run a blade across my skin just to feel something.

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